All stories on Byline
Jack vs. Cletus
From bombs to eggs…
Jack grab snacks from movie Theater stand. Jack hear woman at stand and look up see worker give him popcorn and movie Ticket. Unknown stranger woman look at him not blank or take eyes off him. When man turn around to her Direction she disappear. Jack want in movie theater.
"And your wish?" the genie asked Brian. "Well," Brian mused, "there is something." "No!" Colleen cried, "Don't do it, Brian!" but he ignored her. "I wish," he said, "that every time I got a song stuck in my head everyone else in the world also got that song stuck in their heads."
brings all the tears to my cheeks
This is the story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down. It all started with my uncle's magnetic boots, my grandmother's iron ceiling tiles, & a bottle of Sprite. And a robot cricket named Ch33p3rs. And a YouTube video about cleaning the vents in a Datsun. Anyways
Heavenly Intervention Fiasco
No one expected this outcome.
The crater trembled and six magnificent wings unfurled, each extending higher than the tallest tree in the forest. Above their rising head—a halo—shimmering like a shooting star. As the light dimmed, the celestial light became impossible to distinguish from that of the moonlight.
Thank Your Lucky Stars
The lone robot sat on a large iron plate. Or he would have, if there was any gravity to be able to sit, so it more like held onto it. They floated around, slowly, and the lights of the cosmos reflected off its big, glassy eyes. It smiled. It was happy. It's life here was simple.
Girl With Many Names
"Tag!" I'm tapped on the shoulder. "Aw man!" Roy is already sprinting the other way, but closest to me is Alice. She sees me and starts down the hill, screaming and laughing. "Come here!" As she reaches the bottom, she screams, but this time, it didn't sound like the playful kind
Two is the Magic Number
What started out as mere coffee talk has now transformed into a heated ministry. "I am disgusted with the modern writer," Jan says. I take another sip. "All amateurs." "How so?" "Look at these entries! Dull and void of the most ESSENTIAL thing: conflict! None of them are winners"
Sauciest pies, hottest thighs
"Yes, I'm pleased you stocked the bathroom with toilet paper but to be honest, with six rolls on the shelf, I worry our guests will think we use the toilet too much." Eve stared at her husband in disbelief. "Just put some clothes on," she said. "They'll be here any moment."
Students of History
Never forget North Park Cemetery
As we ran down the hall, the teacher screamed at us. "Give me my phone back and get back to class! Or else ill send you both to the Principal's office!!" We laughed at her. The school police stopped us when we reached the end of the hall. "I guess we got to take a trip." I laugh
Reincarnation, the ultimate in teen angst
If you asked me where I thought I would be at 31 years of age I certainly wouldn’t have said dead. That was never my intention. I’ve never been plagued with a day of ill-health or suicidal ideation a day in my life. But here I am laying cold on the floor of
A New Dope
The Return of the Lazer Brains
OK, OK, Iisten to me. It's not that complex. The oldest movie is Episode 4. Then Episodes 5 and 6 came out. Then a couple decades later we got the first 3 Episodes, which are also the prequels. What? They just are. Now we have 3 sequels: Episodes 7-9. No, really, it makes sense.
What manner of beastie?
A majestic beast stands on its strong legs in a distance. Should it get too close it can easily rip limbs off any living things. It sways its huge head in the wind and looks around. It almost looks like it's sniffing the air. Should it be ogled at, or evaded, or advanced towards?
Don’t Hate the Player, Hate the Tear in the Fabric of Spacetime
There was something moving in the bush. It made a silent rattle but it was loud enough for the guards to hear. Both of them looked suspiciously at it but they couldn't see anything due to the night's darkness. The other bashed his spear against his shield but the noise persisted.
The Trail to True Treasure
The tower looks very tall and mysterious under the evening sun. The perimeter is empty and rocky and the wind blows dust around. Nobody knows what's inside...or who's inside. Is this going to be an opportunity, an adventure or just a false call of gluttony, leading to only death?
How to Catch a Fancy Gentleman
No One Cares at the Suds-Your-Duds
"Do these jeans make me look fat?" "No. Do these sunglasses make me look vain?" "No. Does this cheese give me bad breath?" "No. Does driving this car make me look like a poseur?" "No. Do these snakes make me look like a gorgon?" "No. Do these dill pickles make me look desperate?"
The story feels like it was written by six different people
He typed furiously on his phone. He was using a collaborative storytelling app called “Myline”. He added to stories every day, and sometimes he started new ones. But the stories he started never turned out the way he envisioned!
The Power of the Force, Buyers Remorse, & the Ballad of Bella's Tears
Four days until Bella's birthday & Zach still didn't know what to get her. He stood in the Kohl's foyer & took a breath. He would go into the store, eyes closed, take 20 steps, reach out with his left hand, & purchase whatever he first touched. Twenty blind steps later, he held a
A Tale of Seedy Tragedy
There was a cold breeze blowing. She walked along the pier on her way back to his house in the twilight. A fear of the unknown ran through her veins, her stomach was uneasy. She leaned down as if to throw up.… but her reflection made her snap out of it. She looked so tired.
Adventures in a Minor Chord
Gotta be fast. A comrade is lying in the sand, bleeding out. The bandits are still close by though so extra caution is needed for this to work. Can the comrade be sneaked out of the danger and patched up in time or do we need to add one more gravestone in this forsaken world?
(Spice World Cup)
Story unwritten. The pen rested at the table all alone and the ink bottle was stashed somewhere. The candle has burned out, leaving a small hint of smoke in the air. There was paper in an old wooden cupboard left untouched. The mind was dull, with no new ideas. Maybe it was time?
Put the Key Lime in the Coconut
A palm tree was standing alone in the sand. A blow of wind moved it enough for a coconut to get loose. It snapped off the tree, rolled down on the tree's trunk and made a soft thump as it fell in the sand, quite deeply so. It didn't break at all but it got some sand on top of it.
Enter the reality distortion field
Soft swaying. A warm breeze. Rustling leaves. When the eyes open the surprise is big - the scenery is upside down and the ground is above! Senses are pointing out of upside-down state. The leg is fastened to a branch. The ground is above, the sky is under. How did this happen?!
Transported by the sound
I pressed play on the tape recorder then waited. A white noise filled the air for a few seconds, then shifted into a dull buzz as a woman’s staticky voice came into focus. “Melody Pendras,” she said “May 17th, 15:45.” I strained my ears for signs of the song in the background.
Be Your Most Authentic Shrub
When I looked in the mirror I knew the wig wouldn’t fool anyone. I looked at the plethora of makeup products strewn on the counter, the fashion magazines open as guides and sighed. After all the money and time I’d spent it was time to realize I was never going to be able to be
Fully Visible Hand of the Cobalt Place
The rocky floor was moving under their feet. The big, dark and empty room was quickly filled with loud noises created by the contraption one of them set off. Was this a trap? No visible signs of danger was seen yet...there were no regular patterns of the floor's changing either.
Rumpus Room Doom Boom
Five Fingers of Frequency Modulation
One of the floor boards came loose today. I had no idea there would be anything mysterious going around in this house. I have spent most of my life here. I wonder, does my parents know about this at all? I peeked under and - surely enough, there was a small hole in the ground.
Finding The Mirror Within
After months of searching the desert & the loss of my left pinkie, the Magic Mirror was mine. I could ask it any question I wanted & it would reveal all the Secrets of the Universe to me. "Mirror, Mirror," I said, "I must know—why can't flies find the window out after flying in?"
Nerd Mother's Sacrifice
Live Long and Pickle
Digging through the back shelves of the pantry I found the last jar of pickles that grandma made before she died. "Well," I said to myself, "someone's got to eat 'em sometime." I assembled a sandwich, piled some chips beside it, & popped open the jar only to find that there was a
Frankie and the Technicolor Dream Kicks
If you knew, where and when to look for, you could see it. Different people see it differently, it doesn't depend on wit. For me it could be an old, friendly man, and for you, a black shade. To some it can be a worried child, and to some of beautiful promises made.
Anyone Can Be a Star…In Their Own Mind
Denise approached the wide, rapid river with an apprehension like none she’d ever known. Behind her, the rest of her party watched as she knelt on the bank and raised her palms to the sky. She was glad her back was to them so they could not see the fear on her face as she began
Advanced Vices and Dices
He grabbed the dices, shook them and threw them on the carpet. He looked at me, smiled and pointed at the first die he looked at. It had a symbol of a cat on it. "Once upon a time there was this sad, lone lion" he started the story. "Your turn" he said. Which dice should I pick?
When will we eat lasagna? Nevermore.
Her eyes were about to close out of tiredness. She sat deep in her armchair, watching a show from a small television. The trailer around her creaked once in a while. It was nighttime. A loud falling noise made the woman jump in panic. She looked around to see, what was the cause.
A Hot Slice of Heartbreak
If you don’t love my Hawaiian, you don’t deserve my Margarita
Jim ran a hand through his hair, “Bro I’m telling you, there’s just no way any chick can say no to the Jimster”. Eric rolled his eyes so far, they almost got stuck at the back of his head. “Get that girl’s number then, and you get bragging rights and $50,” Eric pointed ahead.
Another Brick in the Wall
The screaming had finally stopped. James crawled to the window and carefully raised himself up from the floor and peeked out the dingy pane. Outside dusk was falling, and a light snow had begun to coat the trees and buildings. James licked his dry, cracked lips and shivered. He
The Follicle Follies
They sat in a circle, legs crossed and arms outstretched. In the center was a comb, a brush, and a tub of pomade. "We beseech you, please grant our wishes for glorious body hair. Grant us the mustaches, beards, and back hair we seek. Please, Hairy Fairy, work your magic upon us!"
A Surprise to Be Sure
But A Welcome One
In the middle of the night came a whirring, buzzing noise. I got up and went to investigate the source. Opening the door I saw that the printer was active. A sheet of paper slowly rolled out of the printer’s mouth. Two large bold words were on the paper. “Sample Text”.
Goldibear, Gretzel, and the Three Little Wolves
A Grimm Ending
There’s a place about a mile or so from here, up the hill through the woods and past the big pond with reeds all around. A little stone house, used to be pink but most the paint has peeled away, roof fell through and the garden is more like a jungle these days. Most folk know why
Going Down on the Frig It
The waters were calm yet the clouds heavy in the evening sky. The reverberation of the ship’s engines penetrating. “Norwegian battleship eight kilometres four degrees north sir! It has a barcode on the hull!”. “Aye Lieutenant, you know why?”. “No sir!”. “So they can Scandinavian”
Who ya gonna call?
There is this presence in the house. I cannot quite put my finger on it, but sometimes I do sense it. The atmosphere just changes drastically, all of the sudden. If I have visitors, they don't notice it themselves. I'm not sure, should I worry, ignore or do something about it...
The illusion of greatness
They had been on the way to his little league game. Grandad drove his big old Caddy. Joe always loved the crazy big dashboard buttons, the funky tail fins. He remembered Grandad cussing loudly, leaning on the horn, and then the car slipped sideways. After that: darkness. Until
The Bored Room
A corporate retreat goes south
The consultant walked into the boardroom wearing shorts and a sports bra, her legs and arms covered in Pokémon tattoos. The roomful of unimpressive executives avoided eye contact and fidgeted in their seats. “I was brought here for one reason and one reason alone,” she said.
Sing the Pickle Song!
"The tests are conclusive," said her oncologist "you are cancer free." Wynona could hardly believe it. After all this time she was going to be okay. "Honey," said Wantando her burly husband "that's incredible! Let's celebrate, anything you want." She looked thoughtful "Well,
Adventures in VR
They call me a “hacker”. Look, I’m just a guy with access to the Mainframe and nothing better to do. But all of my skills combined couldn’t get me out of the situation I got into on March 31, 20XX. I was trapped, and simply logging off wasn’t an option. I didn’t have ANY options.
Candy Teeth on the second stage
They just announced the lineup for this summer’s Clangfest and it’s straight fire! The Seagull Sisters are headlining. Easy Peasy Squeeze Cheese is performing. Sneak Squeak has gotten back together for one night only. DJ Doofus is spinning in the Stress Tent. We need tickets!
The Mirror Has Two Feces
There are 5 rules to keeping your wife happy, my father told me. Mom always seemed content, so I've come to believe they must be true. 1) Keep her laughing. 2) Friday is bouquet day. 3) Don't buy the cheap gin. 4) Never underestimate the power of a whispered sweet nothing. And 5)
Betting on a wish
A genie bookie gets his in the end
They say, be careful what you wish for. I really, really wish I had heeded that advice. But it’s too late to try to wish away the mess I created the day I found the odd, tarnished lamp in grandfather’s attic. Up among the spiderwebs and dust, I gave it a quick rub to shine it up.
Malarkey Containment Failure
My cell phone suddenly crashed. When it started up again, there was only this long binary number on the screen: 010100110111010101100010011011010110100101110100. Then the car wouldn’t start. The same number scrolled across the digital dashboard. What the hell was going on?
The Integrity of Joey’s Circle
What do the toads know?
She felt a chill run up her spine. As it reached her neck, her hair felt like it stood on end. She had the feeling she was being watched. She turned her head, looking over her shoulder. Her eyes went wide and her chewing gum fell out of her mouth.
Seals From the North Pole
Remembering a life of service
“Ho! Ho! Ho!” Jared let out a big belly Santa laugh and leaned towards the elf standing next to him. “How long is that line now?” Sarah flicked the jingle bell dangling from her hat out of her eyes. “All the way down to cosmetics.” Jared groaned. “This was a terrible idea.”
or Non-Expired, Rick and Morties, Scrödingle’s Homosexual
There stood a mighty statue of a man and woman, their hands locked, raised towards the sky, loudly proclaiming their defiance. One fateful day, the sky turned grey and a streak of lightning struck the statue, and the statue was no more. Its furious roar thundered across the land.
Moovers and Shakers
A night out gone so very wrong
Spring was in the air, warm breezes were blowing, and the city was bustling with energy. I had to get out of my apartment. I wanted a drink, a laugh, maybe a chat with a pretty lady. I grabbed my phone, wallet, keys, and a light jacket and hit the streets.
The Best Elvis Impersonator
I was walking down the street of lively men when a swift voice approached. A young lad stopped before me, catching his breath. “Sire! Sire!” “What is it?” “The King hath sent for thee, arrive there with haste!” But why, I thought, would the King send for a lowly commoner like me?
A Culture Shock of Sorts
Once there was a handsome man named Link. He is known as the hero of time and was reborn a million times in a different body but still looked nearly identical. He has blonde hair, blue eyes, and is white skinned. One morning Link woke up in the 2000’s to someone calling to him
The Disco Under Lake Erie
Hirsute Chartreuse Pursuit
I used to tell the other kids at school that my dad was a treasure hunter. That was an exaggeration. He scuba dived the Great Lakes, searching sunken yachts & freighters for antiques—the plates we're eating off of came from a sailboat at the bottom of Lake Erie—but once he found
The Special Sauce of Mercy
Frickin' Bobby Stroik
Sarah & April needed a drummer. Their high school's Battle of the Bands rules clearly stated "No drum machines," which April said was only made so their band, Lonely Horses, couldn't participate. "Frickin' Bobby Stroik," April said. "He's scared of us." Auditions were held in the
The Boy Next Door
Don’t mess with doves
I can’t stop thinking about the boy next door. He moved into town a few weeks ago and hasn’t said one word to me. He seems to live by himself and doesn’t talk much. I often see him playing with his golden retriever in his front yard or reading on his porch while the sun sets.
The Abominable Resolution Plan
A distant yet familiar clack sounded through the warm grass-scented morning air. Two squirrels sat together on an extended branch of an old, mossy oak tree further down the fairway of hole 8 of the golf course, heads synchronised tracking the trajectory of the silent, flying ball
Have Spirograph Will Travel
Bullets, Babes, & Bliss
The lady strode into my office like she owned the place. "You Twitching Curtains, P.I.?" she said, her voice as deep as a weighed anchor. She was built like a Venus, & I told myself not to fall in love. "What do you need?" I asked. "My name's Zdenka Zall" she said, "& I just shot
King Bling Bong’s Dingaling Singsong
His voice echos around the room, Roaring at any who come close. "Head my warning I may be your king, but I am not forgiving. If you step into this ring and challenge me, you will die"The room got quieter, then, a familiar group starts to laugh, it was the fox clan, they step into
Glaze for Days: It Pays
"Thank you for your custom, sir!", she offered cheerily, "Here's your free fart cup". I looked at the small half ounce foam cup she placed through the gap under the plexiglass, white with a single brown heart printed on the side. "My what?" I said, squinting at her plastic smile.
The end of the ground wars, And the stary of the fly saga
A flurry of thoughts went into my mind, as they ran rampid in my head the world felt as it had slowed down. "One bullet left and I can stop their tyranny. But who do I kill?" I aim the trigger shakily at them and remember who they are, my best friend and brother. I take a
Princess in Distress
The king sat on his golden throne munching on a juicy pork leg. He chugged a goblet of wine when the doors flew open. A messenger had arrived. Taken by surprise, the king choked on his wine. “What are you trying to do, kill me?” “Your Majesty, I have come bearing news! It appears
Nothing Up My Sleeve
I pass my lonely hours by playing solitaire. Not a digital version on the computer, but with real cards at the kitchen table. I've lost probably 95% of these games, but those cards comfort me. Or at least they did, until that one game when I flipped a card & saw the Ace of Crabs.
The Ants That Ate San Francisco
Victory Over Gulliver
I waited with bated breath as the sky turned into crimson red and the air turned from feathers into daggers. She did it, she single handedly ended the world. Not a single one of us heroes could stop her either. Then, my mind started to go blank, the world dark as my mind was take
Click YES to be a Princess
Achtung Baby Bye-Bye
Keisha's mom always left a punny note in her lunch. "Hope your day is GRAPE!" "Have a FLANtastic day!" "You're 1 smart COOKIE!" Keisha would read the notes, smile to herself, then hide them in her pocket, hoping no one would tease her about them. One day she got a note that read
And that was the last time we saw your dad
Sleep is for the weak - those who don’t have a newborn and a six year old, those who wouldn’t survive 3 hours of sleep a night, spending countless more hours staring into the darkness, questioning their life choices. I am a mighty warrior, fueled by caffeine and forward momentum.
The Streetwise Amnesiac
How am I here? In this place. My tears are long gone, as too is my mental flipbook of faces, which I can no longer recall. I see an object, it looks familiar but what is it!? People are near me, I don't know who they are. I don't know how long I have been here. The walls are cold
Brought to you by the European Commission of Agricultural Tourism
The people of Bettingen—a village high above Basel—agreed that this was the biggest plum they'd ever seen and these were folks accustomed to seeing large produce. They were debating the proper way to measure the fruit when it slowly began rolling toward the city center.
Ode to the Beckers
Where the best laid plans hopefully go off the rails
Once upon a time, a writer-in-a-different-life stumbled across a fun little app—a thoroughly enjoyable rabbit hole of collaboration and wackiness. In the spirit of the holidays she offers her most sincere thanks to Sam for developing Byline and bringing joy to all of us.
Adventures in the Corn Board
I must’ve hacked into this server a million times as the first step in accessing, well, a million other systems. An open port 22 on an obscure government agency tucked away in an old office building where they know how to send emails about corn and not much more. But this time
My Experiences as an Adolescent Psychedelic Mushroom Enthusiast
The shaking only intensified as every clock on the wall of the clock store rang. The ringing was louder and longer than she’d ever heard. A white faced office clock was the first to shake loose and with a bang in hit the floor. It was quickly joined by a cuckoo, a grandfather,
Bobby, Gramps, & the Jalapeño Sheriff
What Not To Do At The Pepper Party
Do not go gentle into that good night. Do not go violent into that bad day. Do not run in the halls. Do not eat toothpaste. Do not kiss grandma with your eyes closed. Do not use the word irregardless. Do not seek the treasure. Do not use all the hot water before I take my shower.
Mr. Ellis And The Flaming Disinfectant Disk
Preview Of The Fire Streamers Book 1
I stared down at the paper I had been handed, incredulous. It read as follows: Dear Mr. Ellis: This notice is to inform you that your son has been suspended for three days for throwing flaming urinal cakes out the window.
Fly to Die for a Fond MEPhone: Part II
The phones are rising?!
You were out of time. You were chasing that bomb. But you WERE miguided. By who? Your iPhone. How? Right as I was given the mission a iPhone 5 fell from the sky. You said something to Siri and Loopie (an evil timeloop making Siri) pulled up. It got in my ICloud n hacked my iPad X
Ursula goes rogue
Pushed over the edge by Charles Nelson Reilly
The Council of Elders were meeting for the third time in a month. “Is this really necessary?” Ursula the witch asked. The head werewolf, Adalwulf, glanced at Gujjt, leader of the Trabalar goblin clan. “We wouldn’t have to meet if you hadn’t screwed up so badly,” said Adalwulf.
Of Morals & Mayonnaise
A Treatise on the Corruption of Youth and the Perils of Tim Hortons
There are days in a young boy's life when everything changes. For Huxley Doyle that day came on a Wednesday. That was the day he first encountered Tim Hortons buffalo crunch doughnut and questioned everything. "Why would a loving god allow such a thing?!?" he screamed at the sky.
Showdown in Lobster Town
It takes glass balls to win
The man with the marble carried his marble wherever he went. In times of stress, or boredom, he would reach into his pocket and swirl the marble between his fingers. The small glass orb, like a tiny planet, made him feel large for a change like he held whole earth in his hand.
I am the one who talks
OK, Batman, get to the point already
I lay in wait. The darkness grows around me. I felt as if I had a key with no lock. Ace had said this was the key to my potential. These dice. “Everyone has a key. What you only need do is find your lock. Finding the key is simple. It’s only the thing you cherish most.”
The Tidy Ghost in the Dairy Queen
Suzie loves Rob, but Rob has a crush on Lois. Lois isn't interested in Rob; Jessi has caught her eye. Jessi has adored Sam ever since they were kids, playing in his sandbox, but Sam has had his eye on Alicia since those sandbox days. And Alicia? Well, the object of her affection
A Tale of Two Tails
Featuring Quincey, the ill-fated Queen of Chonktober
Ask any truth seeker, meme peddler, or GIF archeologist worth their salt about feline mythology and they’ll chat your ear off about fine bois, chonks, and absolute units. But only someone truly depraved will tell you the twisted tale of Quincey the ill-fated Queen of Chonktober.
Log 42: The Ouroboros Effect
Vignettes of the mundane & sublime.
"Captain, there is something on the long range sensors you should see." Ensign Butterbrickle reported. Captain Bort Jombloski leered at the Ensign. Oh, how he hated him. His golden hair, straight teeth, symmetrical face, could he be more perfect? "Show me." Jombloski growled.
When Life Gives You Lemons, Harmonize
All Citrus is 50% Off at Guido's House of Fruit & Garden Supplies
Why did you buy so many lemons? I mean, yes, we needed some, but so many? Where are we going to put all these lemons? There's only so many lemonades I can drink in a week. Where did you buy them anyway? A woman in a conversion van with a carpeted interior on the side of the road?
One Snack Can't Hurt
The Furbies Take A Walk On The Wild Side
I write this letter hoping that its confession will be apology enough. Although my fame has brought wealth & romance, it's also burdened me with guilt. You see, I never wrote a single one of my songs. Rather I stole ideas from the ghosts of Lou Reed & Burl Ives who haunt my home.
The Once & Future Beaver King
A fable on the value of cutting your losses and getting on with your life.
Dabney saw the river and tightened his grip on the bottle. Water burbled in the morning sun and tall pines swayed in the breeze. In the bottle gasoline sloshed as he walked and he could smell acrid fumes escaping it's rag stuffed top. "Today those beavers will pay." he mumbled.
Out of Season
Fall comes earlier every year
It was a brisk fall day in New England. School buses all over town, crossing guards on every corner. Scarlet, uncharacteristically nervous, looked out for children before backing out of her driveway. As she drove, she thought about the troubling assortment of gourds in her trunk.
We Need To Do This More Often
Judith & Roland
“Ow! Dang it!” The coffee, black and bold, burnt Judith’s lips and tongue. She hadn’t been paying attention to what she was doing. “Let it cool off a bit.” Roland nudged the steaming cup a few inches away from her. The diner just opened and they were the first customers.
Who Trolls the Trolls?: Part II
Two Orc too Orcy: The Orcening
Orcs and Ogres hated each other. They hadn’t cooperated in over 700 years. They fought bitterly for a few hundred years, and avoided each other as far back as anyone alive could remember. They only had one thing in common: their complete hatred of Trolls.
Price of a Rebel
The Old Switcheroo
It's not easy being green. I should know. I was a tree for 25 years. Most folks balk when I tell them this. "How can you, a swimsuit model, have been a tree?" they ask. They obviously never got in a fight with an angry dryad before. Well, I did, & this is how it all went down...
The Valkyrie's Last Drink
Bottoms Up, Brunhilda
"I'll have a Grandma's Uncle Fish." I blinked at the customer. "You got it," I said & turned around to grab a glass. I'd never heard of a Grandma's Uncle Fish cocktail before. I snuck a peek at our cheat sheet, a list of drink recipes we keep behind the bar, but it wasn't there.
The True Vaccine to Covid
I smile as every strike hits his body, I could kill guilt knowing that the plan was going correctly I was able to wipe away the guilt I feel for hurting him.The boy gasps out"Why me?" I give him an answer,"Don't worry im not going to kill you, I just need enough of your blood to
Another One Bites the Purple Dust
A Journey Into the Bagel Hole of the Subconscious
I’m perfectly satisfied with half a bagel for breakfast. Put a hearty smear of cream cheese and some capers on it, and I’m ready for the day. Yet I can just as easily eat a whole bagel and not be too full. How is that possible?
Grandma grooves to school
In a stranger’s car
Morning, I am driving my kids to school, hearing Baby Shark for the tenth time now. I forgot to have my coffee so I am a bit grumpy. Red Light, I make a stop and an old lady start crossing the street.”Pick up the pace miss” I am thinking, not really verbalizing it
Stuck in Beloit
If you don’t go to the good place, you go down, down, down—all the way to southern Wisconsin.
I Cried as the ignorant and innocent boy lay before me, he had given his life up on a heartbeat so that I could live, My eyes became ember and my mind became crimson. I smiled and nuzzled his hair as I pulled the blade."I give the life of this boy back for my own,Goodbye chestnut
Star Fox Loves Link
Majora's Twilight Ocarina of the Skyward Breath Walker
I don't know why my mother hates my boyfriend so. He's whip-smart, handsome to a fault, knows Japanese and English, and will never ever take advantage of me. I mean, really the only thing he hasn't got going on is that he's electronic. Y'see, he's a character from a video game.
Dianah Cheats on random dude I guess
Bruh what the
Its eyes were filled with hunger and hatred as I stared into the eyes of the abyss, I could see her eyes illuminating out of the monsters evil snare. "I'll give her back to you, all you have to do is come over here..."My body moves itself without hesitation knowing its a trap.
To Those Who Are About to Croc: We Salute You
Don’t let politics barge in on your party
“Alright team,” the captain said, making it clear with two words that she had elected herself captain and no one else was even close to being in consideration. “We have a lot of work to do. Right now this party barge is neither a party nor a barge.” Elise raised her hand. “Yes?”
The day a snake ate grandpa
The walk to grandma’s house seemed longer than usual. She loved the forest, but something about it seemed almost sinister today. She quickened her pace. “Going somewhere special?” A gruff voice asked from the shadows. She turned to see a long hairy face with sharp pointy ears.
God - what a jerk
Nietzsche: the lost writings
Where am I? Is this a sidewalk I'm lay on? It's cold stone. I can't open my eyes. I try to recall previous events of the day... or of any time - there is nothing. I try my eyes again, they're gritty, salty but I open one. I'm on a sandstone building ledge, high above busy streets
Catapulting Between Reality and Fantasy
She has always had a fascination in books.They can range anywhere from romance, fantasy and sci-fi.Her favorite genre would have to be sci-fi.Her soft brunette curls falling out of her simple braid as she flips a page.She glances up to see a cat watching her with it's amber eyes.
A Minor Miner Problem
Grims Grigglesby hated space travel. It wasn't just the constant queasy grav orientation adjustments - just when you'd convinced your body up was still up and down was still down you transferred to a platform where down was now sideways and who even knew where up was - it was the
Fresh meat on the grill of time
It is a natural and unavoidable phenomenon that all sprints—no matter their scope nor intensity—come to an end. We, the agile, dash through the same valley, toward the same goal, carrying the same torch. None of us as keenly aware of this fact as our commander-in-beef, Brigor.
All Trips Non-Refundable
“MEMORY LANE, All Trips Non-Refundable” read the sign on the door. I walked inside to find a clean white room with only a front desk, no chairs or ferns or any of the normal strip mall clutter. An old man appeared from a door just behind the front desk. “Welcome to
Dreams Wash Away: Part II
Or so I think my father thought. I wouldn't know exactly because that was the last time we all saw him. He knew he was risking his life out there, but when he promised me that he'd be back, he looked like he really meant it. Or maybe it's because I believed him that I broke down.
A missing ingredient found
A band of misfits, stoic and seasoned, stood at the city gates, the night wind whipping around them. They had traveled inland from the safety of the coasts, united in purpose. They looked onward with hope, their faces awash in neon light. Suddenly, the gates creaked open.
Rise of the vampire witch
Laia laughed bitterly. "You're all utter fools," she spat. "I'm the most powerful witch here." The judge in the center shook their head. "Maiming other competitors is strictly forbidden." Later, shaken witnesses would say the only warning was Laia's eyes suddenly glowing red.
In A Purple Haze at the Edge of Space: Part III
Where Even Thoughts Cannot Escape
There’s no way I’m letting some Worms take me out that easy. I paid 10 grains for the emergency DNA mods back in Milky Way and nearly that for my Hendrix album. Both thanks to these Wormhole pirates. But it looks like the Worms robbed the wrong shipper if he hired me to collect.
You’re Only As Good As Your Last Mistake
Monkey pressed the key with a single dot on it. It had used this one regularly over the last few weeks. But now it didn't feel like typing. Monkey looked up. In every direction, as far as it could see, there were others - all with the same keyboard. Suddenly, a siren sounded and
*stares at invisible camera*
The echoing, creaking halls of the orphanage were empty. All the inhabitants were lined up like ragged rows of cornstalks. The Matron glared at them. She pointed with an ominous finger at the thermostat. “There will be,” she intoned, “TWO TEMPERATURES, and two temperatures ONLY!”
Much too Much in New Antsterdam
Martin awoke to the sound of car horns blaring from the street below. Pulling on his robe, he down from the bedroom window and was surprised by the volume of smoke rising up from the intersection near the highway. Something large and dark appeared to be in the center of the
Revenge to....Taco Bell?
I could watch everything they had done but this, this had crossed a line so far into the dark that the shadows were afraid of it, this heinous act had been so vilifying that the devil himself was ashamed of it, I watched them do it, and.. I let it happen, I grabbed the sword and
? Im so confused
My limbs wen numb as so did her heart, and for once, I cracked a smile she was dead, my killer was dead, The police look at me and hold pistols and shotguns that glimmer in the light,then, my world started to fade black, I laughed that same laugh over and over, The Time loop was
The Best-Laid Plans of Rats and Men
Oft go from pantry to cave
Clouds of dust plumed up as sheets of residue fell off the windowsills. Long abandoned, the house shuddered under the force of the bombs as they made impact nearby. It was a pity they weren't closer. They could have drowned out the wails of the sirens and the screams of the dead.
A Segue at Sea
Admiral Baldwin charts a course for love
Admiral Baldwin finished his early morning tea and toast before pacing the deck of the S.S. Lean Coffee collecting his thoughts. He did this most days, often before sunrise. Today his thoughts leapt to the land mass looming on the horizon known to most as Falafel Island.
Whose line is it Anyway !
Suddenly the room went dark. Sam, Miguel & Michael were all alone now. The visitors were gone. An eerie quiet settled in the bedchamber. Then whispers began “Do you guys hear that”? Asked Michael. The two nodded in unison. They listened together as the whispers turned to chants..
In A Purple Haze at the Edge of Space: Part II
Up From the Skies
I could no longer see my pod or my blaster, just this vision of inviting lava coupled with the intense cold. I reached in the direction of my volume controls and feeling that familiar texture cranked it all the way up. Hendrix guitar riff filled my helmet. Now I could see it—
An herbal remedy
As a family of spellcasters, the Fosters knew all too well when to lay low. Once they made it to a dingy pub on the outskirts of town, the eldest daughter shook out her umbrella, eyed the clientele, and motioned for her family to enter. Just then, a wand fell from her sleeve.
The early birds evade the wyrm
Four sagely birds convened at the tallest tree in Vogel Valley, each carrying a branch from their respective homeland. After exchanging a minimum of words they laid down their gifts, completing a magnificent nest. Before the ceremony was complete a huge shadow engulfed them all.
Witches and Toothpaste and Cats, Oh My!
Never leave a container of mint balls next to a witch's cauldron. But the trick to this is, what exactly is a witch? When I first came across this warning, I avoided every kitchen of every woman senior citizen that I came across. I even avoided my grandma. But a witch is nothing
On Second Thought, Let’s Just Eat Them
The men are afraid to ask you but “Do you not crave blood sir” ? Listen well lieutenant, I take no pleasure in feeding. All things must end but I take no pleasure in being humanities executioner. Now be done and let’s move on to the capital. We have a castle to take by sun up.
In A Purple Haze at the Edge of Space
Maybe it was the length of time I’ve spent in the silence of space, but music has meant a lot to me these last 5 years. I’d gotten used to only hearing my own breath and cursing inside my helmet, no matter how much damage my blaster did. Music helped. Time for some Hendrix.
The Doc Who Needed A Doc
Sunlight poured in through the grimy hotel window, rousing me from my slumber. I yawned and consulted the bedside alarm clock, which claimed it was already after 2PM. Had I slept that long? And actually, how did I get here? I scanned the room for any indications of what might
Metaphors of Impressment
A conscripted sibling
The children heard the sudden gritty rubbery traction sound of approaching tyres and leapt off the narrow woodland path with only a second to spare as a sleek bike thundered past at full tilt, riderless yet with a crash helmet sat on it's seat, the pedals blurred like propellers
A Voice In The Dark: Part II
Mitch and Mindy leapt up, terrified what lay beneath. They twirled around, examined the human remains occupying their chairs and, in unison, let out a shriek. Within moments the cloaked figure had dropped its clipboard and moved toward the pair with the determination of eternity.
Good Morning, Beanstalk
or The Perils of Jack and Coke
The giant’s body lay face down in what this morning had been Halbert Haversham’s home, stables, and small orchard. The giants left foot however had planted itself squarely into Jack’s bedroom on the second floor of his mother’s home. Even now, the beanstalk had begun to whither.
An Assemblage of Dolls
feat happy early Halloween
The doll continued sewing in the dark corner, greeting the needle spiders as they clattered across the wooden shelf. Many avoided her, if possible, so solitude was the only constant friend she could rely on. Besides that, she had patients who screamed at her tattered face until
Celtic Maid of Disaster
feat: a set of stupid bagpipes
Grind the beans until they turn as smooth as sand in an hourglass. Pull the lever until the water streams down in an iridescent cascade. Pour the mixture from the pot into the cup elegantly and with a cold expression. Hope that you're not pretty. That is how you survive as a maid
The Mythical Sword of Fromage
Saving my sister from subpar chacuterie
It had been eleven months to the day since the storms first began. Most cities were but flattened piles of crumbling brick and rotting wood. People—those who survived—lived in small shanty tent collectives under highway overpasses. My sister Gwen and I had found an empty trailer
From Aliens to Demons
Adventures in Time and Space
“A hero’s journey is long and winding, but a hero always finds the way,” my mother read. “That’s the end of the story, Anya. Good night.” After she left, I pulled out the book and stared at the picture of the hero and her friends, wishing I could be one of them.
A Voice In The Dark
Or, the plot that went nowhere!
“Please don’t hurt me...” Kay was curled up into a ball, her arms over her face. In the dark she couldn’t see who was there. “No, stop!” she cried as the footsteps drew closer. Just then, she felt a warm hand touch her forearm and she squealed in terror. “Shhh,” someone hushed.
Spain or Ukraine?: Part II
Jokers on you
Days later Houston, having recovered from the attack, stood in a dusty atrium in one of many deserted, faceless municipal buildings in the city. "Which one?" he asked Deego grinning and holding two button badges to his sleeveless denim jacket. "That's Pain, or You Cranial Joker?"
Penance in the World Hereafter
in which more than a life is at stake
Fortune cookies. I've been making them for eons, directing entire Chinese restaurants in the delicate art and penning the predictions down myself. It was all supposed to be one big hoax, just a fun family thing to do. Never had I thought that I would be judged after death for it.
The Ghost of British Rock Past
It was a beautiful night. The moon was shining over the mountains, illuminating the treetops and silhouetting the owls and other night birds as they elegantly swooped and dove across the night sky in search of prey. Hannah gazed up at them, fiddling with the dial on her radio.
John Mason and the bizarrest case ever
A nasty trip
The night was cold and foggy, the perfect scenery for a gruesome crime. Detective John Mason was assigned to the case, he was the best. This time the victim was a girl, between 20-23 years old, blond, thin, she was found near the lake with strange markings on her wrist.
and those who follow the dead
Crunch. The bug bit into its snack once more, covering yet keeping in time with the ticking of the clock it was captured in. It gleefully eyed the nearing death of the minute spider. Whenever the spider died, a new snack appeared out of nowhere and it would start its 60-bite meal
Short Term Memory Loss
And why VR is dangerous
Day 304: I am still all alone with no answers, just as I have been for the last nearly year. The lack of human companionship is finally beginning to chip away at what little of my sanity remains, and I find myself less and less able to enjoy the things that used to distract me.
Burt's Discount Dental review: ⭐ 1 star
Terrible customer service. Rude & painful but would use again
The damp murk of the cellar, unaided by the arm of moonlight reaching in through the grime of a solitary window, was silent and still. Motes of dust, turbulent as stars, slowly twinkled in their passage through the blue light the nature of their disturbance unseen.
Under the Icy Siege
In which they are saved by beer
Before their eyes was the frozen ocean, fractured but solidified once more underneath. It seemed like an undulating ballroom floor of some psycho snow queen. Dark shadows the size of humpback whales moved restlessly underneath their feet encased in ice. It's been hours since the
...from Excite to Exhaust
I ran up as fast as I could. I could hear the loud booming voice ahead, bellowing "Giddy up, Giddy up! Last train out to your new life! Giddy up." I looked at my feet excitedly, clutched my single half-filled suitcase, and leapt up with all my strength into the
Fraught with Battle
A story of violence, hate, and longing
"Fellow Blockians, this is our hour of battle. We must not falter! To victory! Battalions 8 and 9, prepare for ambush!" The legoes crouched to camouflage themselves in between the multi-colored folds of the blanket. "Target in sight! Harden your armors! Brace for impact!"
Jim’s Bad Day
Start in a time loop, end in a magic quarry!
Jim had been stuck in a time loop for—by his estimates—a hundred and fifty years. At least the day he inhabited was sunny and warm, although he was often sorry he’d never again get to experience Christmas. Or his birthday. Or any day that wasn’t June 23rd, really. But June 23rd
The Companionship of Cyborgs
A bunratborg's tale
The flickering lamp was the only source of light in the darkened field of buttercups. The bunny couldn't pause to think of why it was there in the first place- it was too terrified. Quickly, it hopped up to the base of the lamp and surveyed the sprawl of impenetrable darkness.
The Catfight That Saved His Life
How a catfight turned a man from suicide to betting.
The end of my life was near. I could feel it in my bones. “Make it a double,” I said to the bartender. What would a few extra drinks matter? They’d help to numb the pain, at least, and if I was going to die soon anyway, I could at least go out totally blitzed. He set the drink
Leisure Wear is Serious Business
The Cobbler’s Children Have No Scruples
One of the only good things to come out of the pandemic was this: by 2025, sweatpants have become acceptable garments in every situation. Of course, you'd need formal sweats for formal occasions, but there was no need to wear any pants without elastic or drawstrings.
RG09LBJ: Part II
Roll with it
Oblivious to my lifelong mental condition to which he had just contributed (motorcycle-phobia) RG09LBJ pootled down the street on his eponymously registered Lambretta, Rick-Rolling his head in time with nothing in particular, the little soprano engine whining petulantly. Suddenly
a roller coaster to a heart's desire
"Baloney!" cried the clown. "I'm telling you, thanks to Stephen King, all the children in the audience were terrified of your antics. One even called 911 before I could stop them!" His boss sighed as he rubbed his bald head. "Look, I'm sorry Danny. You're fired."
Red, rinse, repeat
There are so many beautiful and subtle things about this planet that make it unlike earth, but the most striking has to be the red snow. It never diminishes in vibrancy, despite the fact that winter can drag on up to a year. It’s also the reason I am as wealthy as I am.
His Sand Water Doom
and how fairy tales are just hallucinations
"So you sold our perfectly good camel for those date seeds and not at the bazaar like I told you to?" I could see my father shudder in anger. My pleading eyes were blocked by curtains as my sisters and mother ducked back into the corner. "But father, you never heard of Jack and
Gnomes and Gardens and Stones, Oh My!
It was the weirdest plant Charlotte had ever seen- and she’d seen many in her 22 years as a Master Gardener. First of all, it seemed to have appeared from nowhere- one morning it was just...there, about two feet tall in the middle of a row of dahlias, with bluish leaves and spiny
Escape From the Medusa
A dreamy saga from boy to man to dream
"Beautiful, aren't they?" The boy could hear the medusa hiss right next to his ear from behind him as he stared. On the wall opposite to the one he was chained to, he could see rows upon rows of petrified children, all with faces that might have made them celebrities one day.
Turds and Tentacles
Excerpt from The Bumper Book of Paradimensional Octopodian Tales (1986 Simon & Schuster)
"By Balu's beard mother, how many times do I have to tell you"? Gurok paused, holding the edge of the door looking back into the room. "When it starts you press down the record AND play button AT THE SAME TIME"! Irritated he stomped off into the snow leaving the door open wide.
Pooch and the Ludwig Solution
| ##Problems: p.1- it's too big and doesn't fit | p.2- it makes a loud noise all of the time | p.3- squeezing it has no effect | p.4- it's always in the middle of the lawn when I wake up | p.5- Ludwig | p.6- everyone I ask about it claims they cannot see it | ##Solutions: s.1-
The Agent and the Elf
A Christmas Eve stakeout gone wrong
A stakeout wasn’t what David had in mind for Christmas Eve, but here he was, shivering in his car with a cup of cold coffee while “Last Christmas” played quietly on the radio. The building across the street had been quiet for hours, and now that it was nearly eleven o’clock, he
How Humans Ruined Arbor Day for the Fae
Emily started seeing the fairies as a child. At first, they only came to her at night, rearranging her toys and giggling as they did so. She would be frequently awakened by the buzzing of their tiny wings and the musical lilts of their soft voices. Sometimes they sang in whispers
The consequences of family upbringing
"I believe that your poor-" "Nachos!" "...cousin has caught a-" "Mozzarella, you ignorant fools!" "-very rare disease-" "Kimchi! Creme Brulee!" "-a very severe case-" "Onigiri! Roti! Pad Thai!" "-of constantly spouting international foods. Uncurable, I believe, unfortunately."
Knock Knock, Who’s There? Banana.
A siren sounded in the distance. Wendy ignored it, deeply involved in reading an article on her phone, but Alex’s entire body went on high alert. The siren grew louder, and he rose slowly, normally, trying not to appear as tense as he was. “Can I get you anything while I’m up?”
The Haunting of Harold’s House
Look out! HGTV has tigers now!
The house Harold haunted had been on the market for a year. It just wasn’t the same without people living in it. To emerge from a linen closet and shout, “Boo!” at realtors and people touring the home just made them less likely to buy it, only prolonging Harold’s solitude.
The Ballad of King Markie
Spoiler: He had what we neeeeeeeeeeeeeeed, but he's just a friend.
First things first. If you are reading this without fear of being caught, we won. I don't have much time, as I can hear the troops closing in on my position through the echo of the tunnels. We are here today because of a single man's bravery to stand up for what is right.
ft. a policeman probably too kind for his own good
"So let me get this straight. You were walking home at 1300 AM when you saw these seven short men vandalizing your property by tap-dancing on your basketball court with ice skates?" My brothers and I quickly donned smiles as innocent as they come onto our faces when the policeman
Cats and Dogs Raining Together
The vacation rental was small, just a one-bedroom cottage in a semi-shabby urban neighborhood, but it was renovated and even had a new roof. “All metal,” the owner told them upon check-in. “Energy efficient. Plus it makes the rain sound cool.” Which it did, but it also kept Becca
Shi Ling and the Dragon of Destiny: Part II
The trail of sparkled tears ... and oreos
Shi Ling and the dragon quickly turned their boat over and used it to shield themselves from the barrage of flame-tipped arrows heading toward them. Once the percussive thuds of arrows making contact slowed to a crawl, the emerald duo sprung into action.
Shi Ling and the Dragon of Destiny
A samurai’s dream
The samurai era, synonym of honor, strength and wisdom. A group of samurais were ready to start the training that would define all. Who stayed or who would leave in disgrace. It was the time, to give all, at least it was the most important time for little samurai Shi Ling.
Size doesn’t define you Marty!
You are Hu-man
My name is Marty and I am a giant. I live in a world full of fantasy, and is not strange meeting someone like me...but the problem I have is that everything is so tiny for me, I have to watch my step, because one wrong step and it can be the end of a whole community
From Military to Tap-Dancing
A pirouette across genres
"I'm not going to say this twice, so listen hard." The drill sergeant took a deep breath and rattled off. "Throw a counter straight into the belly, take a half-step back then knock him over with your legs, punch three and a half times on the feet and avoid all the spikes. Now go!
A family business in need of a bite
Charlie walked the length of the east wing of the family motel, stopping to straighten any tilted picture frames, replace any dead lightbulbs. The appraiser would be by that afternoon and he couldn’t leave anything to chance. His sister would have his head.
Wishing Star Scam!
In which blood is not thicker than water
I watched as the automaton swiped the quill across the page with mechanical grace, adding an inky flourish to the last of my personal details. A single dotted line remained empty. The gears whirred as the bronze eyes turned to scan my blank face. "So, why do you want to live?"
Plant V.S Humans
...but the cats always win
Listen, kid. The world isn't what it seems to be. Never was. Not until those blasted plants started strangling people and taking over the world. How they got so strong, why they're doing this now isn't clear. But one thing's for sure. We became their slaves, hoping that
Nachos and Time Travel
A fever dream for the new year
Ash pasted the Zoom link in the group email and hit “send.” As he waited for boxes to appear on his laptop screen, he popped open his beer can and fired up a playlist on his phone. New Year’s Eve wasn’t going to be a rager, but it would be good to spend the last minutes of 2020
Retrium for a Dream
A tale to be liked, learned, lacked, and longed for
Deep off the coast, in the treacherous hills of Retrium, a close-knit band of developers, designers, and product owners huddled around a crackling fire in the dead of night. As was tradition, each member came prepared with criticisms and praise necessary to improve the tribe.
Corny Beefed Up Hashed Cop Story
Officer Niles stood at the end of the alley which was dark, save for a dim yellow light near a side door of an old building. But that light gave just enough for her to see the silhouette of a body of to the side slumped over. Shining her flashlight into the alley, she walked
Silence and Saxophones in Space
Where no one can hear you scream, but everyone can hear your sweet, funky melodies.
What no one warned the crew was that once they went faster than light, the air changed, and they lost the ability to speak out loud without a headset. At first, they kept them on, but after two weeks—once each crewmember got into enough of a routine with their job—they stopped,
Spies, Coffee, and Secrets
About a year ago, Sally’s favorite remote work location closed. It was a coffeehouse during the day, and a beer bar at night. She took her laptop there with her at least twice a week, sipping a cinnamon latté while classic rock played. The atmosphere was dimly-lit, perfect for
Transmission In the Dark
"Hello?" It was about time that he gave up, but Bane couldn't help but click the button on the battered walkie-talkie once more. "Hello?" His hollow voice echoed amidst the crackling static. It was working, sending his greetings into the air. But there was no receiver. As always.
Eva and the Mighty Mesozoic Mixer
The Day Before the Health Inspector Closed the Bar Down
Eva's the most beautiful woman I know. Her eyes are the color of agates. Raven hair frames her face like August thunderclouds. Her long thin fingers dance animatedly when she talks. Her voice has the lilt of an Irish folksong. She's lovely in all things—save her Stegosaurus tail.
How to Exit a Repeating Day
Don’t Try This at Home
“Every day I write the book,” Jack announced with a heavy sigh. Annie raised an eyebrow at him. “Isn’t that an Elvis Costello song?” she asked. Jack picked up his coffee. “Yes, but it’s also what I’m cursed to do. Every day I get up early and spend 12 hours writing the same book,
Human Curiosities for Display!
Made in collaboration with felines
"Oh, you're awake again." The boy let out shuddering breaths. This couldn't be happening. It could nev- "It's all real, you know. Everyone thought the same as you when they first came." The tiny girl whispered through the bars of his cage, eerily giggling intermittently. "You're
Nobody Told Me: "Donut Hunt Monsters"
An odd revenge story
"So. How are you going to deal with it?" The hooded figure sat next to me on my tombstone, holding a cigar in its skeletal fingers. The smoke extended to curl over the mounds of my family members and friends that came after mine, casting a shadow over their causes of death. "I...
The Hater Skater and the Big Bad Wolf
I was cursed the moment I was born. An evil fairy did it. She told everyone my birth was wrong, that I was a bad omen, but she was responsible. She was looking for revenge so she cursed me...I wasn’t able to love, I hated everyone, everything, I couldn’t feel happiness
They Met on the North Face
A delivery from LL Bean
Vera's tavern was a rare beacon of warmth on an otherwise cold mountainside. Each glowing window was adorned with a purple wreath and its modest chimney was expelling more smoke than would seem possible. For miles, one could hear laughter, cheer, and the occasional train whistle.
Today I wool beeee freee: Part II
By lamb or by sea
At that moment I realized just how hot I had become. Why, oh why didn't I let them shear me? My fleece, so often the protective barrier between my delicate body and the cruel world, was now my wooly prison. I looked at my attacker, sweat pooling under my eyes, and made my move.
Migration Treason: Part II
When the nose knows
Over time this corrupted gaggle began to resent their new forms. They organized, aired their grievances, jettisoned any last shreds of humanity and took to the skies thinking only of revenge. They all would have been more menacing but for their comically large human noses.
Geronimo! Cries the Zebra
I Guess the Chute Didn't Open
Frank woke up, squinting at the sunlight filtering through the drapes. He did not recognize the room. Looking at the decor, he decided it must be a motel room. He was wearing pajamas he did not own, but they fit. The thing he couldn't explain was the dead zebra in the other bed.
Read all about it!
Harold breathlessly wolfed down his Eggs Benedict, crumbs flying in all directions. His disgruntled assistant, Patrice, watched on in disgust. “How can one person be both a refined wizard, and a total slob at the same time?” he asked. “Fetch me my wand,” Harold said dismissively.
A Serf Through Time
There were no utensils in medieval times, hence there are no utensils AT Medieval Times.
It was Halloween Night. Or “All Hallows’ Eve” as your coworker Gary would probably say. The moon was full, just like Gary was full of BS. It was maddening how much you thought about Gary actually, despite the fact that you hadn’t seen him in person in over 7 months.
Operation Trolled By Siri
In which villains and heroes get along with ice cream
"You're insane!" The polished British accent of the victim doesn't faze you as you let out an evil laugh, starting off the bomb. You're one of the ones who always manages to get on the wrong side of the MI6 for no reason, after all. "Who cares! The world is already crazy anyway."
Shysters On the Trail
(Or The Pitch: Universal Language)
As the sun set over the rocky horizon, Joe fell into a fitful sleep and dreamed of the city and his mother baking cookies. In his sleep his stomach growled. It had been many days since he’d eaten a meal or drunk anything but the brackish water he found along the trail. He woke to
Flat Earth Toothers
Gleaming the cube
Our story starts, by a beaver being abducted by aliens. Yes, pretty WEIRD right? The aliens take this beaver to an earth... shaped like a square? The beaver gets dropped off at a castle and stumbles inside. The beaver falls in a machine and is fused with a human. Weird Beaver.
Le Pump King
Everyone in the trailer lurched forward as the hay ride abruptly ended. The engine went silent just as the headlights shut off. Where were they? It was too dark to tell. Then, barely visible in the moonlight, a huge form covered in vines rose up. "I am the pump king," it howled!
Always Room for Pudding
The big clock in the tower next to town hall chimed noon. Ralph stood up straight, put his shovel down, and wiped his brow. He looked at the long trench he’d been digging for the past 3 hours. He would go and eat lunch now. Then he’d fill that trench back in. A good day’s work.
Chicken Salad for the Soul
A novel by T-Bone Poulet
Fall had come early to Belleville. Julian swept the leaves from his stoop and flipped the sign adorning his bodega from CLOSED to OPEN. He hadn't made it to the deli counter by the time a shadowy figure burst through the door. "How fresh is your chicken salad?" she asked gravely.
CyberDrive 2: Deadly Web Sight
As he looked at his wife, her features became more symmetrical. Makeup appeared, and her hair took on an unnatural shine. A button appeared near her ear, reading “Upgrade now for €2.99!” He took out the contacts, put them back in the charger, and turned out the nightlight.
A delicious and juicy story
What is to be a chicken you ask? Nothing special actually, you wake up early with the song of the neighbor rooster, you check the eggs (sometimes they disappear magically), you dig for some worms for breakfast and start an interesting conversation with your fellow chickens
The Bicoastal Dream
You’ve gotta learn how to walk before you can fly...
“GO CUBBIES,” the hefty man belted at his TV. Even as the pandemic raged on, Sean insisted on drinking an entire 12-pack during every Cubs game and storming into Sluggers. “This is the Chicago dream,” he thought one night, surveying his 6-bedroom, 10 roommate apartment on Roscoe.
Captain Paws’ Favorite Snack
(Or: Be Careful What You Wish For)
Genevieve had no idea how it started. It had begun innocently enough, she supposed, but now it was- well - an obsession. She wondered what her friends would think if they knew - and more importantly, what David would think. But she didn’t want to think about that now- she wanted
Hot & Steamy
An Original Rovance Novel™
Karen flipped idly through her alphabetized record collection, settling quickly on the B’s as she so often did. She’d met the most incredible person this morning and there was only one crooner who would understand. She chose the most well-worn album and gently removed the sleeve.
Becky & Valsecchi
A mythological tale of love, loss, and sharknado
The phone rang, loud and reverberating, the way only rotary phones do. Becky raced to pick it up only to be beaten by Valsecchi, who'd already been sitting at her desk since the early morning hours, sleuthing her latest models. "Becky and Valsecchi," she said.
This story was awesome, and has nothing to do with anything until the third line.
It went off the rails and I love it.
"💧︎♋︎■︎⬧︎📬︎ ☟︎♏︎●︎●︎□︎ ⬧︎□︎■︎📬︎ ☟︎□︎⬥︎ ♋︎❒︎♏︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ⧫︎♒︎♓︎⬧︎ ♐︎♓︎■︎♏︎ ❍︎□︎❒︎■︎♓︎■︎♑︎📬︎?" "Go away dad", Sans said, "I'm trying to find a way to erase the genocide path option". "🕈︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎ ♓︎♐︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ 🙵♓︎●︎●︎♏︎♎︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎❍︎ ♋︎●︎●︎✍︎". "Good idea dad". !DUSTTALE
Frescoes of the Mind
Three stubby sheep with fire red wool convened atop a majestic mountain at daybreak just as they had many times before. As they began their hushed incantations storm clouds rushed in and a nebulous being emerged—a swirling mass of wind and wool known to all sheep kind: Sheepnado.
Madam, I’m Adam
The palindromic tale of a life lived in reverse
Many moons ago, before the beginning of time itself, an ageless being was thrust onto the cosmic stage. A swirling mass—of youth, hair, FIFA, and recreational boating—asserted its rightful place in the universe. Before Eve, there was Adam.
Roadmunk, Our Lord and Savior
The bustling street was alive with caroling and commerce. Snow had just begun to fall when two unmistakably eccentric old timers, Evelyn and Ebert, entered from the South end with plans and props in tow, chomping at the bit to rain mischief down on a town that didn’t accept them.
The Mystery of the Weetle Dad
We make our own fate. We go around blaming others, or God, for our mistakes, but that’s because we can’t admit that everything happens to us because of consequences of our decisions. Until that day I cracked open that unfortunate fortune cookie and read what my fate had in store.
The Flight to Tulsa, FL
We make our own fate. We go around blaming others, or God, for our mistakes, but that’s because we can’t admit that everything happens to us because of consequences of our decisions. Until that day I cracked open that unfortunate fortune cookie and read what my fate had in store.