Mr. Ellis And The Flaming Disinfectant Disk

I stared down at the paper I had been handed, incredulous. It read as follows: Dear Mr. Ellis: This notice is to inform you that your son has been suspended for three days for throwing flaming urinal cakes out the window.

Young Ellis was staring intently at his feet, red-faced. “Well, son, I have been wondering if you had the family ‘gift’ or not. I guess it’s time you learned our secret. But first tell me about the flaming disinfectant disc.”

Ellis looked at his dad. “I don’t know what happened. One moment the disinfectant disc was sitting in the urinal. The next, it was flaming.” His dad chuckled. “Yep you have the gift all right. Or maybe it’s more a curse.” He patted his head. “Don’t worry I’ll explain everything.”

"Y'see, son, you're a member of a long line of Fire-Streamers, folks whose wee is strong enough to peel the paint off a barn. It starts about now & it'll last until the end of your days. It's scary at first, but eventually you'll be tinkling to show off & impress girls—just don't

eat Cool Ranch Doritos. They'll make your pee as weak as an open can of seven day old Mountain Dew." He looked very serious and then continued "See we had no idea 'bout this 'till 1987. That's year your ole great uncle Rich "The Sandblaster" Aycock found it out the hard way."

Rich had just triumphantly saved his village from alien invasion when fire sparked from the rubble and raced toward the firework factory. With seconds to spare Ole Sandblaster unzipped his trousers to extinguish the flame but his diminished stream failed him—done in by a Dorito.