Heavenly Intervention Fiasco

The crater trembled and six magnificent wings unfurled, each extending higher than the tallest tree in the forest. Above their rising head—a halo—shimmering like a shooting star. As the light dimmed, the celestial light became impossible to distinguish from that of the moonlight.

“Be not afraid,” the six-winged creature of legend called out, “For it is I, a messenger of the Lord.” A man trembled at the fear-inducing sight, and collapsed before it. “What will you have me do?” the man stammered. “Go now, and spread the Word. The Lord hath returned.” He then

totally screwed up. He thought the messenger meant Lorde, the New Zealand singer. He printed posters that read "ROYALTY COMES!" & posted them all over town. He thought the words were a clever allusion to her stage name & 1st single. There was only one thing he did not anticipate.

That was how insanely catchy her song Solar Power is. It just builds up and up then ends leaving you wanting more. This song about the beach has ended marriages and toppled governments, all part of Lorde’s plan.

As it played in my earbuds, my heart lifted at the silence before the final chorus. My hands tightened around the splintered axe handle. I spun to the beat. Red on the walls. Red dripping down my cheek. Pure bliss. I love Lorde, she’s my idol. But screams reigned in on the music.

I had perfectly and intentionally matched the shade of my blush to the wallpaper of the axe throwing silent nightclub, and the harder I danced, the more it coagulated inside the droplets of sweat falling from my brow.

I knew I was playing a dangerous game, but I also knew that the prize was worth it, for the first time in my life, I was going to hit it big, I knew it so much I could taste it

Most people say that roulette is the end of the line for gamblers, the last resort for desperate losers. Whatever. I closed my eyes and pressed the Return key on my Macbook. And that was it. 450 dollars charged to my mother's credit card on Black 14. Whirr went the animated wheel

then my computer froze. The rainbow ball spinning as my nerves twisted into an anxiety-filled pretzel. Did it go through? Is this really the way I want to spend my mother’s hard earned bingo winnings? Then I heard the door open “Honey?? Ya home? I brought ya dinnah.”

"Carl," I called to my dumb yet understanding ex-husband. "I have something to confess: I bet my mother's life savings in an online auction of an original oil painting of two yaks mating. It will mask my trauma." Carl looked down at his rotisserie chicken. "Ok my dear."