A Bit of a Distraction

Page 2678. The last page of the book Jennie had been trying to finish for about a year now. She takes a deep breath and begins to read- just then, she hears a loud banging noise coming from outside her window. “Not the time.”

She walked over to the window to have a look outside. To her surprise, the loud noise was a potato gun going off. It was her neighbor’s son, Harold, and he was obviously distressed. Jennie looked to see what he was shooting at, and saw

What could only be described as a large, purple gelatinous blob. The blob swatted away the pellets from Harold’s gun and approached Jennie’s house. The blob dwarfed the building, standing directly in front of it. It reached out to her

about her car’s extended warranty. The blob also told her that she could save 15% or more on car insurance with Geico. Sounds like an attractive bargain. Jennie grabbed a sledgehammer from the garage and brought it down on the blob as hard as she could. It simply bounced off.

She hit it again and the head of the hammer slid into the blob with a loud plop. The blob jiggled and began pulling the the rest of the hammer into itself. She should have let go then, but the muscles in her hands seemed to be disconnected from the screaming in her brain.

The transparent gelatinous blob slowly swallowed her hand as she watched, stunned. Her hand tingled, and she felt giddy. She started giggling as it reached out and enveloped her forearm.

"Ivy," a voice called from the kitchen, "the apricot jam is sentient again!" 2 apron-clad ladies came from the back, swinging spatulas. They hacked at the blob until it released the woman's arm & rolled back into the kitchen. "Sorry, hun," they said. "Order the flan. It's safer."