Of Morals & Mayonnaise

A Treatise on the Corruption of Youth and the Perils of Tim Hortons

1 November 2021

  • There are days in a young boy's life when everything changes. For Huxley Doyle that day came on a Wednesday. That was the day he first encountered Tim Hortons buffalo crunch doughnut and questioned everything. "Why would a loving god allow such a thing?!?" he screamed at the sky.
    Michael S10/14 8:37pm
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  • “Mayonnaise was never meant to burble from a doughnut hole.” But Huxley Doyle’s complaints were answered only by a gentle breeze, and the sweet smell of a magnolia tree whose flowers had opened that morning. When Huxley’s mother announced the family would be moving to Toronto,
    Rachel D avatar
    Rachel D
    10/15 4:24am
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  • they all knew that mayonnaise was always going to be on the menu. One couldn't eat anything in Toronto without "a dollop of the white". Even orange slices & sour gummi worms came with mayo. Huxley wanted to fit in with his classmates, so he started every day with mayo in his tea.
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    Benjamin C
    10/15 3:06pm
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  • The strangest part of life in Toronto was the stream of tourists from Minnesota desperate to buy mayo. It was such a strange thing to become illegal in the U.S., eh?
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    Sean K
    10/16 11:23pm
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  • We'd sell it in 5 gallon buckets for $50 a pop. The US government wasn't too pleased with us though.
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    Devin J
    10/31 3:50pm
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  • Suddenly the door bursts open knocking the nearest barrel over. Illicit turkey refuse spills everywhere. A cop grips my collar before I can escape. Next thing I know I’m standing trial for trafficking in bird waste, outed as a “fowl mouth.” I live the rest of my life in shame.
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    Sam B
    11/1 1:53am
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The End