Mystery Topping

If I had a chance to do it all over again, I definitely would not have asked for the “mystery” topping on my pizza.

I like sour gummi candies just fine, as dessert. But they do not pair well with tomato sauce and mozzarella. I asked the guy behind the pizzeria counter "Whaddya kiddin me, get outta here!" (Trust me, this is a question in NYC.)

The guy behind the counter glared at me. “Look, I don’t make the specials, I just tell ‘em. If you don’t want the gummi special, what’ll it be?” I had to get something; that was part of the deal. “Just gimme a plain pepperoni. Large. Gummis on the side.” The guy bellowed back to

“We don’t offer gummis on the side, they’re already mixed into the sauce!” And that was the last straw. “I will not be embarrassed in this way in front of my date!” With that, I leapt over the counter and wiped the specials board clean with my sleeve. On my new canvas I wrote

'All You Can Eat Buffet! Unlimited Refills! Free!' Before they could call the police, I pulled the plug and dashed out with my date, smashing through the window like one of those cool agents in action movies except- "Mwahahaha!" I couldn't help myself: I let out an evil laugh.

It tickled my nose full of hairy beetles.