The Haunting of Harold’s House

The house Harold haunted had been on the market for a year. It just wasn’t the same without people living in it. To emerge from a linen closet and shout, “Boo!” at realtors and people touring the home just made them less likely to buy it, only prolonging Harold’s solitude.

Like so many things in this world, spooking was complicated business. If Harold wanted more companions to scare he’d better upgrade his tactics. Next time the realtor came over he laid low, and asked himself a question that surprised even him: how does one improve curb appeal?

Tough question, but Harold wasn’t afraid to think on it. Curb appeal is boosted by interesting features! Buyers love character! Harold got to work planning his best haunting yet. The next walk-through would become a walk-boo!

That Friday they tested their set up. Haunted mirrors? Check! Weird shrieking noises? Check! Flowers and freshly baked cookies? Check! Their years of watching occupants watch HGTV was finally paying off. The first viewers, a young couple, entered the house and immediately noticed

the gears by which everything moved, however. They were poker-faced the whole way through. Sure, they yelped in surprise occasionally, but nothing like the bone-chilling shrieks that the producers wanted. Already after the first episode of the show, they were in an emergency.

They knew they needed something more to get the scream queens to really let the TV audience have it, so they did the unthinkable. No, officer, I don't know where the tigers came from, nor where they went. And I know it was wrong and I don't approve--but they got their screams.