Seals From the North Pole

“Ho! Ho! Ho!” Jared let out a big belly Santa laugh and leaned towards the elf standing next to him. “How long is that line now?” Sarah flicked the jingle bell dangling from her hat out of her eyes. “All the way down to cosmetics.” Jared groaned. “This was a terrible idea.”

Sarah adjusted her elf ears. "I warned you," she sighed, "but did you listen?" Jared rolled his eyes. "Don't I-told-you-so me. My lips are chapped, my fake beard is caked with old lipstick & blush, & I smell like mothballs. Yes, Santa kisses for single grannies was a bad idea."

“But these old ladies gave so much! Raising children, doing all the cooking and cleaning, working assembling killbots in the factories while their husbands and sons died on the battlefield. It’s amazing that World War 2 went on for 70+ years, isn’t it?”

"Killbots, why did it always have to come back to that? They're the worst." I thought. I looked at the old ladies and wondered how else they could have spent their lives; training apes, raising ferrets, learning macrame, anything would have been better. Then it hit me, I could

graduate top of the class in the Navy Seals and get involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and have over 300 confirmed kills. I could also obtain training in gorilla warfare and become the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. The possibilities were endless.

"Did you forget to take your meds again?" My grandson Wilbert's voice shook me back into reality. "You were spouting off about those old internet copypastas, the Navy Seals and gorilla warfare. Come on, it's time to go back to the retirement home, pops."