Oh, Deer!

I had been troubled by nightmares for weeks. Each night was the same strange images followed by a warning delivered by talking deer. A car tumbling down a hill. A truck sliding sideways down the highway above the pass. A man without eyebrows laughing. “BEWARE!” said the deer.

Today was different though: I woke up with a craving for fried chicken. I daydreamed of chicken all day until I was finally off work. I drove through the dark rainy night searching for KFC. Then it hit me: the nightmares! A morbidly obese deer appeared in the road and I swerved

but still got hit! The airbags immediately expanded, but then sagged on my lap. Wow, the fried chicken wings were inside the bags!!! But I could not take them out!!! As I tried to rupture the bags, the deer was drooling and staring at the KFC

because it was actually Bambi from a different Byline story and it wanted to eat the KFC to become beautifully obese. I succumbed to Bambi's cute drooling face and allowed the deer to eat my KFC while I tried to get out of my busted airbagged-up car. Unfortunately, I was stuck.

“Where are the jaws of life when you need them?” I asked. Then I remembered my seatbelt. Popping the latch freed me, and I stepped out of the wreckage of my mangled Honda Fit. I stumbled to the curb and collapsed on a patch of grass, happy to be alive.