The Heirloom Patchwork of the Holy Acorn & its Goulash Orchard

17 April 2022

  • Long ago, before television or even radio, your great-great-great grandmother crafted a story into this quilt. See the images? Here's an acorn. Here's a cardinal. Here's a bowl of goulash. It's time you learned its tale...
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    4/3 8:01pm
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  • of the intricate tapestry depicting a cardinal holding an acorn and a bowl of goulash. He wasn’t just any cardinal, he was Cardinal Ordinemus of the Holy Roman Empire. While performing the Eucharist the wafer turned into an acorn and the wine into goulash. It was a great miracle.
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    4/4 12:30am
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  • Cardinal Ordinemus is my neighbour. He’s a life-changer, miracle-arranger, wine to goulash, he's a drink exchanger. And he cried for our sins. His acorn, now blessed with the holy goulash, grew into a mighty goulash tree that graced the courtyards of this cathedral.
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  • Thus the Cardinal went about his saintly work. But where there are saints, sinners follow. Another neighbor watched the goulash tree grow and conceived a resentment: “Only a devil could make such a thing happen.” From the thought, a plan germinated: to cut down the goulash tree.
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  • Not once did he stop to think about the implications of destroying something unique. He just got a chainsaw and felled the goulash tree at midnight. He left it where it fell, dropping its varied fruits as it died.
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    4/13 2:32am
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  • He woke up the next morning to see a dozen trees surrounding the stump. It appears the tree is of those fast growing hydra-type varietals, and the fruits impregnated the ground upon their fall. To the old man’s surprise, he was managing a goulash orchard come the next season.
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    4/16 7:42pm
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The End