Holy Cow!

My plan..eating 100 burgers in 3 minutes. That was no easy task, I barely eat one burger in 15 minutes. But I need to train, I need to focus...This is important...

But where to focus my training? Chewing speed? Jaw strength? Swallowing volume? Stomach capacity? That’s when the key to competitive burger eating dawned on me: be like the python. Unhinge my jaw.

The crowd’s cheers were deafening. I was the underdog in this contest but I had an ace up my sleeve (or at least in my mouth). The moment the hamburger platters were delivered, I got to work. When the dust, and sesame seeds, settled I knew I’d left it all on the field. Literally.

But I wasn’t finished, no, I was going to show these doubters! I thrust both arms out and snagged the platters from both opponents on either side of me. A gasp rose from both my opponents and the crowd as I began to madly shove their burgers into my mouth, condiments flying.

"Mommy! They're going to explode!" I heard a wail come up from the crowd, but I didn't care. I was going to win! I could finally see the bottom of my plate and my competitors were no where near my eating speed. Or they were blinded by the sauces I squirted on them while I had the

time to breathe. That was half the challenge: 1) eat the food 2) don’t die. The squirting trick I learned from a pal, Longhorn Jackson. The bell rang. I looked to see who won. It couldn’t be! Longhorn triumphantly sat at the end of the table. Wearing a very saucy pair of goggles.