Who Trolls the Trolls?: Part II

Orcs and Ogres hated each other. They hadn’t cooperated in over 700 years. They fought bitterly for a few hundred years, and avoided each other as far back as anyone alive could remember. They only had one thing in common: their complete hatred of Trolls.

Recently the Trolls had been expanding their territory, closer and closer to the Orcs and Ogres. This was seen as a provocation. In reality, their territory had been heavily taxed for years and their livelihood suffered. Troll leadership was on their way now to speak to Melvin.

The lead troll unfurled her scroll of demands and read them with formality to Melvin. “I will start with the least significant,” she said. “And work my way up. Demand 999: trolls regain the time-honored right to cultivate toxic mushrooms in our open air gardens.” Melvin blinked.

“Could it be? A way to fulfill the prophecy?” Melvin murmured to himself as the lead troll stared back at him, awaiting his command. “Yes, tell the trolls that our gardens will once again reek with toxic mushrooms. And prepare the troops for war.”

The trolls shifted uneasily. They glanced at each other, mumbling. Plant toxic mushrooms in our gardens for the orcs? Melvin had gone too far this time. He could sense that he was losing support for the rebellion. “My fellow trolls,” he began, unsure of how to win their support.

"My granny Snotwattle used to say, 'If you can't beat 'em, eat 'em!' She died choking on a mouthful of white snakeroot." The trolls stared; Melvin continued. "So I say, if you can't beat 'em, FEED 'em. Get it? Get it? Guys?" Then troll horde ate him, chanting, "Granny was right!"