Vampires and Bored Apes

When I got laid off earlier this year I initially thought my life was over. Without a stable job and income, I figured that I was screwed for the foreseeable future. What I didn't realize, however, was that I now had many hours a day to spend on my hobbies, such as

eating, sleeping and playing games, which I absolutely love to do. This is an introvert’s dream. Touching grass is overrated. It’s not like I had to find work anymore, I was raking in a considerable sum from trading on my computer daily. I made my easily earned money work for me.

NFT’s bro. All the way. Crypto is the future, mark my words. Also beanie babies- I’m heavily invested in those. And tulips. Totally not a bubble!

Just ask my great-great-great grandfather Jerjen Gerwin van der Berbon. He was a big name in the Leiden tulip scene of 1637. He bought this very house with money he got selling "tulip" bulbs. I put tulips in quotes because they were actually garlic bulbs. When this was discovered

a long line formed outside his store every, single, day. People quarrelled and fought their way to the door, yelling at him to let them in. And when the door finally opened there was pushing and shoving. Garlic was a hot commodity at the time due to the rampant vampire invasions.

A night like no other. He rushed to ring up all the purchases: garlic bulbs, garlic paste, minced garlic. He noticed a flickering. He glanced out as cackling customers who bought all his garlic and ran toward a growing bonfire in the street, their red eyes and white teeth aglow.