Hot & Steamy

Karen flipped idly through her alphabetized record collection, settling quickly on the B’s as she so often did. She’d met the most incredible person this morning and there was only one crooner who would understand. She chose the most well-worn album and gently removed the sleeve.

With the silky smooth Canadian-Italian voice in the background, Karen's mind replayed her chance encounter from the morning. His name was Vance and they met at Starbucks inside the Publix Super Market. She couldn't help but notice the elegantly crafted Ruby code on his laptop.

She had walked by his table and Vance saw her staring. "Best gem I've see all day," Karen said. He was taken aback by her comment. It was enough to make any dev stall, but felt something between them. "Would you like to pair?" he asked. Hoping she didn’t have dependency issues.

Karen replied "I'm not one for coupling, but I love dependency injection and I don't mind a little inversion of control". Vance thought to himself "game on", he went to stand, but his palms were sweaty, his knees weak, arms were heavy. He's nervous, but he looks calm and ready.

After wiping the spaghetti his mom made for dinner off his now stained sweater, Vance was ready to make his move, although he had no idea what Karen meant by "Inversion of control." Throwing caution to the wind, Vance grabbed Karen, but was immediately distracted by a loud crash.

"And there he is again, crash landing right into your dining room. At least you could have left the window open for him. You know that I don't like this open relationship thing and, yet, you cannot tel go of Tom" Vance told Karen, letting her go and walking towards the door.

Karen looked at Vance, who was now standing in front of her with his hands on his hips. She knew she had to act fast or she would be caught off guard by a surprise attack from Vance.

"What the Buble is going on here, Karen. Are you saying there's someone else"? Vance asked impatiently, the chicken salad sandwich still hot on his breath. "YES" Karen exclaimed. The stunned look in Vance's eyes widened as a shadowy Canadian figure emerged behind Karen.

Vance's knees grew shaky as the figure stepped into the light. Standing just a few feet away was Bullwinkle J. Moose. But this was no children's cartoon. Bullwinkle was shirtless, his tousled hair was a dead giveaway for what had just been happening in the other room.

Vance, mustering up all the courage he could, polished off the chicken salad that had dribbled onto his plate. His trembled subsided as he was encouraged to express his heart. "My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

“I’m aware of your feelings”, Bullwinkle snapped. “But you know I can never forgive you for working with those Russians”. “By the way, that’s not chicken salad you’re eating”. Vance glanced down at the remnants of his meal to find a tiny half mustache resting on the plate.