A Segue at Sea

Admiral Baldwin charts a course for love

31 March 2021

  • ...
    Admiral Baldwin finished his early morning tea and toast before pacing the deck of the S.S. Lean Coffee collecting his thoughts. He did this most days, often before sunrise. Today his thoughts leapt to the land mass looming on the horizon known to most as Falafel Island.
    Sam B
    2/19 6:59pm
    Inactive WREATH icon1
    @adambaldwin
  • ...
    "This lean coffee isn't quite hitting it today", the Admiral stated. He proceeded to mix a mega-dose of Vit-D, Athletic Greens, Liquid IV and Alpha Brain into a heinous witches brew. As he pounded back the concoction, he could smell the hummus in the air, rising from the docks.
    Timothy J
    2/19 7:13pm
    Inactive HEART icon2
    @adambaldwin
    @fravalsecchi
    Inactive LAUGH icon2
    @sambecker
    @adambaldwin
  • ...
    All around him plants cried out for water, but Yung Admiral just laughed. The supplements began to take effect, he could feel his mind sharpen and his muscles tighten. He was finally ready. With a skill developed over the ageless ages Roadmunk opened, as if by magic.
    Jesse C
    2/23 5:26pm
    Inactive HEART icon1
    @beckycarlson
    Inactive OMG icon1
    @sambecker
    Inactive MAGIC icon2
    @sambecker
    @fravalsecchi
  • ...
    With Alphabrain, sponsored by Joe Rogan, flowing through his veins, Yung Admiral sprayed story points across the roadmap with the power of 50 scrum masters. He scrummed with such fervor that his back became sore. He reached for his pso-rite only to find something unexpected.
    Brian B2/23 5:38pm
    Inactive OMG icon1
    @sambecker
    Inactive LAUGH icon3
    @jessecurry
    @beckycarlson
    @adambaldwin
    Inactive SCREAM icon2
    @jessecurry
    @fravalsecchi
    Inactive HEART_ARROW icon1
    @adambaldwin
  • ...
    "Arghh! That's a stale baguette!", he moaned. Undaunted, he turned back to roadmunk. Items flew from his fingers: "Sharpen knife", "Crouton-forward fast casual", "Fitness pasta". He bellowed: "The features come from on high, I am merely a vessel!". The keys were a hot AK-47.
    Dave F
    2/26 4:26pm
    Inactive HEART icon2
    @sambecker
    @fravalsecchi
    Inactive LAUGH icon2
    @beckycarlson
    @fravalsecchi
  • ...
    As card after card spew forth from Admiral Baldwin's fingertips, his thoughts began to converge. He felt a divine presence. It was the singularity of scrum, the apogee of agile, the climax of kan-ban. "I AM BECOME MUNK, ASSIGNER OF TASKS!" he roared. And then came the meetings...
    Chris E2/26 5:43pm
    Inactive HEART icon1
    @sambecker
    Inactive BOMB icon3
    @jessecurry
    @beckycarlson
    @adambaldwin
    Inactive SCREAM icon1
    @fravalsecchi
    Inactive QUILL icon1
    @sambecker
  • ...
    The original, rudimentary meeting was a standup. These were time-consuming enough, but the admiral devised a new innovation. The standup would be used to schedule more meetings. He dubbed this new technology a thermonuclear meeting, and it could consume entire days worth of time.
    Doug M3/3 11:40pm
    Inactive HEART icon3
    @sambecker
    @beckycarlson
    @fravalsecchi
    Inactive HEART_ARROW icon1
    @adambaldwin
  • ...
    And you wouldn't be able to simply propose a topic for the next meeting. Instead, you would have to go through an automated voice with a thick russian accent to choose between multiple languages, timezones, and shenanigans times. Admiral Baldwin's revenge was going to be SWEET.
    Fra V3/10 5:36pm
    Inactive HEART icon1
    @sambecker
    Inactive LAUGH icon2
    @beckycarlson
    @adambaldwin
  • ...
    The meeting would then become even more complicated. Its duration would increase exponentially after every occurrence, to the point where the meeting would last forever after some time. The Zoom app would enter 'loop mode' and everyone would be stuck forever.
    Davis J3/11 7:58pm
    Inactive OMG icon1
    @beckycarlson
    Inactive SCREAM icon1
    @sambecker
  • ...
    He realized that the only way out of this meeting loop would have to be a well-timed segue. After a break in a marathon session of shenanigans, he saw his opportunity. “Speaking of hummus vats and meat-based head ware…”
    Greg M3/14 3:55pm
    Inactive HEART icon3
    @sambecker
    @beckycarlson
    @fravalsecchi
    Inactive LAUGH icon2
    @sambecker
    @beckycarlson
  • ...
    "...have you all seen the press on Doug's new startup, BEYOND Meat Fedoras? I heard he's about to raise a pre-seed round at a hundred Bemillionaire valuation". Brigor's eyebrows immediately raised with interest.
    Adam B
    3/17 3:58pm
    Inactive HEART icon1
    @sambecker
    Inactive BOMB icon1
    @fravalsecchi
    Inactive LAUGH icon1
    @sambecker
    Inactive QUILL icon1
    @beckycarlson
  • ...
    Brigor feigned interest but his mind was on the girl he met last night at the Exotic Meats Emporium. Had he finally found someone who shared his passion for finely seasoned meats? Were sparks really flying or was that just the flicker of the nearby rotisserie oven?
    Vance F3/19 7:33pm
    Inactive HEART icon1
    @sambecker
    Inactive MAGIC icon1
    @beckycarlson
    Inactive QUILL icon1
    @sambecker
    Inactive HEART_ARROW icon2
    @adambaldwin
    @fravalsecchi
  • ...
    Either way things were heating up. Brigor knew from the moment he heard her speak. “Gimme 6 of your ch0nkiest ostrich steaks, please” He couldn’t believe his ears. She was everything he never knew he always wanted. He had found the love of his life. This was how he found Barbara.
    Becky C
    3/31 2:57am
    Inactive HEART icon1
    @sambecker
    Inactive BOMB icon1
    @fravalsecchi

The End