A Segue at Sea

Admiral Baldwin finished his early morning tea and toast before pacing the deck of the S.S. Lean Coffee collecting his thoughts. He did this most days, often before sunrise. Today his thoughts leapt to the land mass looming on the horizon known to most as Falafel Island.

"This lean coffee isn't quite hitting it today", the Admiral stated. He proceeded to mix a mega-dose of Vit-D, Athletic Greens, Liquid IV and Alpha Brain into a heinous witches brew. As he pounded back the concoction, he could smell the hummus in the air, rising from the docks.

All around him plants cried out for water, but Yung Admiral just laughed. The supplements began to take effect, he could feel his mind sharpen and his muscles tighten. He was finally ready. With a skill developed over the ageless ages Roadmunk opened, as if by magic.

With Alphabrain, sponsored by Joe Rogan, flowing through his veins, Yung Admiral sprayed story points across the roadmap with the power of 50 scrum masters. He scrummed with such fervor that his back became sore. He reached for his pso-rite only to find something unexpected.

"Arghh! That's a stale baguette!", he moaned. Undaunted, he turned back to roadmunk. Items flew from his fingers: "Sharpen knife", "Crouton-forward fast casual", "Fitness pasta". He bellowed: "The features come from on high, I am merely a vessel!". The keys were a hot AK-47.

As card after card spew forth from Admiral Baldwin's fingertips, his thoughts began to converge. He felt a divine presence. It was the singularity of scrum, the apogee of agile, the climax of kan-ban. "I AM BECOME MUNK, ASSIGNER OF TASKS!" he roared. And then came the meetings...

The original, rudimentary meeting was a standup. These were time-consuming enough, but the admiral devised a new innovation. The standup would be used to schedule more meetings. He dubbed this new technology a thermonuclear meeting, and it could consume entire days worth of time.

And you wouldn't be able to simply propose a topic for the next meeting. Instead, you would have to go through an automated voice with a thick russian accent to choose between multiple languages, timezones, and shenanigans times. Admiral Baldwin's revenge was going to be SWEET.

The meeting would then become even more complicated. Its duration would increase exponentially after every occurrence, to the point where the meeting would last forever after some time. The Zoom app would enter 'loop mode' and everyone would be stuck forever.

He realized that the only way out of this meeting loop would have to be a well-timed segue. After a break in a marathon session of shenanigans, he saw his opportunity. “Speaking of hummus vats and meat-based head ware…”

"...have you all seen the press on Doug's new startup, BEYOND Meat Fedoras? I heard he's about to raise a pre-seed round at a hundred Bemillionaire valuation". Brigor's eyebrows immediately raised with interest.

Brigor feigned interest but his mind was on the girl he met last night at the Exotic Meats Emporium. Had he finally found someone who shared his passion for finely seasoned meats? Were sparks really flying or was that just the flicker of the nearby rotisserie oven?

Either way things were heating up. Brigor knew from the moment he heard her speak. “Gimme 6 of your ch0nkiest ostrich steaks, please” He couldn’t believe his ears. She was everything he never knew he always wanted. He had found the love of his life. This was how he found Barbara.