The Bored Room

A corporate retreat goes south

4 April 2022

  • The consultant walked into the boardroom wearing shorts and a sports bra, her legs and arms covered in Pokémon tattoos. The roomful of unimpressive executives avoided eye contact and fidgeted in their seats. “I was brought here for one reason and one reason alone,” she said.
    Sam B avatarSam B11/20/21 8:56pm
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  • “Discomfort,” she said, plainly. “Whose?” said Mike, the CFO. “Your customers with you,” said the consultant, “and yours with change.” She began throwing swim trunks around the conference table. “Everybody get changed,” she said. “The board is going surfing.”
    Mako A avatarMako A11/21/21 3:21pm
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  • The CEO, CFO, COO, & CIO all grumbled on the bus ride to the beach, but the consultant snapped, "Shut up & teambuild, losers!" Once they'd arrived, the consultant gave them the "Bored Board Board", one big surfboard all of them were to ride simultaneously. "Now get in the water!"
    Benjamin C avatarBenjamin C11/23/21 10:57am
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  • The C-suite execs gave each other pointed looks, then acted swiftly as one. They grabbed the consultant, duct taped them to the top of the surfboard, and pushed them into the water. Then the CIO offered everyone on shore Cuban cigars.
    Sean K avatarSean K11/26/21 7:59pm
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  • The cartel was one thing, and The Collective something entirely different. And in this part of the business world, there was nothing more feared and more tempting than striking a deal with The Collective. That is, if you lived long enough to turn a profit.
    Diana T avatarDiana T12/12/21 9:43pm
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  • Who is The Collective? It’s in the name. Their vision? Free drugs for all. Though their ideals differed greatly from the current spirit of laissez-faire capitalism, they managed to make consistent returns every single year. To collaborate with them would be a deal with the Devil.
    Jay K avatarJay K4/4 12:22am
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The End