Shorn of Plenty

The crew set down their bikes and slowly inched toward the fence, each kid wanting to be furthest behind. Once close enough, what they saw was exactly what they were expecting. Tied to the fence was a doll, the size of a toddler, with a grimacing pumpkin in place of its head.

The crew recoiled in shock and horror at this hideous Halloween-themed nightmare with its bulbous pumpkin head and all—then things worsened as they glanced to its ill-formed extremities. I’ll spare you the details but let’s just say at least three of them needed fresh underwear.

On the way to the car, where they keep their spare underpants, they couldn’t help but feel as though the creature’s eyes were still upon them. Daring them to look back. Marvin instinctively turned around and screamed. His body tensed and grew hairier than it had ever been.

At first, Marvin's hair follicles simply proliferated to parts of his body that had previously been bare. But once uniform coverage took place, the color changed from brown to vibrant polychrome. At once, the predator, with fear in their eye, retreated meekly into the shadows.

The predator, a once proud and brave, was now having a receding of his hairline and now he truly was bald eagle. He was mesmerized and felt vulnerable when he saw the beautiful locks on Marvins body. Does he shampoo? Condition? Both? So many questions ran through his head...

Meanwhile, Marvin was paying no attention whatsoever to the forlorn, balding figure admiring his plumage from afar. He was too busy worrying about his own insecurities, foremost among which was his bizarre fixation on his inability to lay an egg. Oh, how he wanted to lay an egg!

Marvin, unlike his famous father Horton, couldn't lay an egg but Esmerelda, the aforementioned forlorn, balding figure, was to become his savior. Together, the two lovesick Emu's were about to lay, not one egg, but twelve!

12 emu chicks. Infinite possibilities. What would this new life look like for them?

Before they could embark on this new journey, they looked back to survey what remained of their old life: a chicken carcass, a shoe, some half eaten tuna salad — just as one would expect from reading this story. As they were about to turn away, a glimmer caught their eye.

A silvery fish removed itself from a nearby stream and was scooting its way toward the pair. “You wouldn’t leave without a dip first, no?” So, the couple, seeing no alternative, followed this curious fish back to its home, and joined him in the watery depths.