How to Catch a Fancy Gentleman

No One Cares at the Suds-Your-Duds

29 August 2022

  • "Do these jeans make me look fat?" "No. Do these sunglasses make me look vain?" "No. Does this cheese give me bad breath?" "No. Does driving this car make me look like a poseur?" "No. Do these snakes make me look like a gorgon?" "No. Do these dill pickles make me look desperate?"
    Benjamin C avatarBenjamin C7/6 6:32am
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  • “Those dill pickles, madam, make you look like a lady of great refinement and taste.”, he said, chuckling. “Half sour, I presume? With a springy… crunch?” He raised his eyebrows. She gasped at his audacity. “Sir! You presume too much!”
    Sean K avatarSean K7/6 10:57pm
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  • “Apologies, m’lady,” he said, profusely sweating, “Those are some of our finest pill dickles, I mean—“ The lady gave him a quick smack round the face. “These so-called pickles have faces on them, and you call them ‘finest?’” The half-eaten pickle exclaimed, “I’m pickle Rick!”
    Jay K avatarJay K7/7 1:19am
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  • To make it up to her, the noble gentleman picked up a platter of bananas just lying on the floor. “I say, what a magnificent pair of bananas!” Then he turned, and realised — a giant GameBoy was going to fall on him. “Oh, great heavens!” He tried to run but it was too late. Splat!
    Jacob S avatarJacob S7/13 2:52pm
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  • “And that’s how you catch a fancy gentleman!” the infomercial blared in the laundromat. “A well-placed platter of organic produce is all it takes. Before they can say ‘oh dear’ they meet their maker, which in most cases is Nintendo.” Those nearby continued folding their laundry.
    Sam B avatarSam B8/29 12:39am
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The End