A Hot Slice of Heartbreak

Jim ran a hand through his hair, “Bro I’m telling you, there’s just no way any chick can say no to the Jimster”. Eric rolled his eyes so far, they almost got stuck at the back of his head. “Get that girl’s number then, and you get bragging rights and $50,” Eric pointed ahead.

Game on, thought Jim. He sauntered over to the girl in the far corner of the room. "So... you breathe oxygen?" he asks, smugly. She looks at him quizzically and swiftly turns back around to face her friends, trying desperately not to laugh. Ok, time for Plan B.

The pill? Why would he need one? It’s not like he’s going to score or anything. In addition to a rubber ravioli in his shirt pocket, he couldn’t be too careful. He downed a few beers which gave him a massive boost in confidence. He walked up to that smoking hot blonde lady again.

“So, ahhh, I’ve been thinking,” he said to her “you’re hot, I’m friendly, why don’t we get to know each other better?” She gave him a half-smile, and looked him over. Then he screwed it all up with a few simple words:

“Wanna grab some pineapple pizza with me?” “Pineapple pizza? You sick freak! Get away from me!” The poor guy should have known that pineapple does not belong anywhere on pizza. He had committed a major faux pas. In all seriousness he would have been better off asking for her age.

She stormed off, stomach turning at the thought of his offer. Maybe some sparking water would help. She ducked into a corner store & perused the aisles for something fizzy. Oh no, she thought, that jingle—"In a tizzy? Grab something fizzy, like Sofa Cola!"—now it was in her head!

She quickly took out her phone and put on some music to fend off the Sofa Cola™ earworm she found herself with. Soon the jingle was out of her head, and she was able to grab some sparkling water in peace. But little did she know, they were completely out! Now what will she drink?

Reluctantly, she opened the door to the pantry—a place she seldom visited—and a wall of Sofa Cola™ crashed over her. “You ready to rock?” she scarcely heard from a corporate Sofa Cola musician, who continued without waiting for a response, “then drink up and take a seat!”