Price of a Rebel

It's not easy being green. I should know. I was a tree for 25 years. Most folks balk when I tell them this. "How can you, a swimsuit model, have been a tree?" they ask. They obviously never got in a fight with an angry dryad before. Well, I did, & this is how it all went down...

This Dryad was a hottie. When I caught her eye, I considered myself lucky. But shacking up with an oak nymph is tiring. She was always talking about rainfall and soil quality and complaining about squirrels. Who doesn’t like squirrels?! It got old, so I dipped. Big mistake.

It turns out the gods don’t like it when you hurt trees—physically or emotionally. Loki made me into a beautiful woman and then… I don’t know, things just went from bad to worse.

Life as a woman was nothing like I thought. The high heels. The male gaze. Never being taken seriously. That Loki! He was going to pay for this. Right after I figured out how to get turned back. I decided to track down a sorceress I knew who would help me, if only to spite Loki.

There was just 1 last thing I wanted to do before I got my manhood back. I was ashamed to admit it to myself, but when would I ever get this chance again? I guess I could do it as a man, but I know I wouldn’t. I would totally look amazing in the MAC Lipstick shade “Rebel.”

With a confidence that surprised myself I marched into Sephora, walked up to an associate, and said, "Your brightest, loveliest variety of lipstick please; money is no object." By the time I left I'd run up a bill over $1,000. "What do I care?" I thought. It's not my credit card!