Special Delivery!

If John never saw another package again, he’d die a happy man. Lift a box out of the back of the van, scan it, trudge up to decorated houses, dump boxes on the porch, and repeat. All day every day, but since March, it had gotten worse. Now, on the day before Christmas Eve, it was

reaching a fever pitch. John had been working out in preparation. His trainer was a former postal worker and knew all the key muscle groups. He even wore a decorative lifting belt. John was ready. Until, that is, he realized his biggest delivery was at his ex-wife’s house.

John was a nervous wreck by the time he arrived at his ex’s. He looked down at the enormous package. The shipping tape loudly proclaimed, “beware: exotic costumes and wild times!” John straightened his uniform and rang the doorbell, which was installed in a bronze tiger head.

Terry answered the door and scowled. John thrust the box forward. He was blushing and his hands trembled. “Th-thank you! Uh, this is yours?” He muttered, then turned away quickly. Terry read the warning on the package and giggled.

"Never leave next to a steering wheel? Why in the world would I leave this in a car?" Terry wiped his tears from laughter when the alarm rang. "Is that the time?!" He dashed out and accidentally kicked the box so it flipped to the other side, hiding the warning. After a while, in

total darkness, a car approached. With the warning sign obscured, the car continued straight and soared straight over a cliff. Terry rubbed his hands together. “Another job well done,” he said, grinning. I never went on another date with him, and neither should you.