The Once & Future Beaver King

Dabney saw the river and tightened his grip on the bottle. Water burbled in the morning sun and tall pines swayed in the breeze. In the bottle gasoline sloshed as he walked and he could smell acrid fumes escaping it's rag stuffed top. "Today those beavers will pay." he mumbled.

Sure, the beavers' dam had flooded the river & swamped his house. And yeah, they had felled the tree that crushed his GTO, but that was an accident, right? Dabney didn't even mind that the Beaver King had stolen his girlfriend & made her Beaver Queen. What really upset him was

the taunting. Day and night, any time he left the house, he heard it. The beaver king yelling oddly specific insults at him. “Hey-o, pumpkin pants! How’s the love life since I stole yer girl? Bwah ha ha ha!”

Finally, one day he’d had enough. The Beaver King hurled one insult too many: “Hey hairless loser! Your girl loves a furry pelt to snuggle against!” He grabbed his chainsaw. It was time to make that Beaver King PAY!

With wild eyes and a menacing grin, he pursued The Beaver King with all his furry. Suddenly, he stopped dead in his tracks. The Beaver King glanced back at him, perplexed. A terrible rumble began to pierce the air as the world's most magnificent toot emerged from his colon. Ahhh!

The Beaver King lived up to his name. Not only was the smell intolerable, it had the curious effect of dissolving the dam, loosing a flood onto our hero. “I came so close,” the hero said, gasping for air. “You’ll never catch me,” the beaver said, disappearing into a foggy forest.