How (Not) To Get A Man

It’s been a long time, but I’m back again.

I was struggling to get dates. Men my age seem to go for younger girls and that was very frustrating. Why can't I get laid for once? Am I being too picky? Those are all questions I had until I had my plastic surgery.

I understood now. My face was... perfect. My hips... magnificent. No wonder men went for younger girls! Older ones were... ugly!

But I do not want to attract men. The scent of their cologne or lack of is pungent and the very thought of touching one gives me a headache. It’s better if I can naturally repel men with my very essence. With a huff, I walked into the clinic to ask for the perfect repellent.

The clinician nodded and said “I have just the thing.” Then she dyed my hair blue. It works with 95% effectiveness.