Good Morning, Beanstalk

or The Perils of Jack and Coke

5 March 2021

  • ...
    The giant’s body lay face down in what this morning had been Halbert Haversham’s home, stables, and small orchard. The giants left foot however had planted itself squarely into Jack’s bedroom on the second floor of his mother’s home. Even now, the beanstalk had begun to whither.
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    His actions had only resulted in damage to his mother’s house- his mother, to whom he’d promised fortune and prosperity from his beanstalk escapades. There had to be another way to return to the giant’s castle and bring back enough gold to not only pay for the repairs, but to
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    buy a round of drinks at the Beanstalk Bar, and Jack sure was thirsty now. His mother hated his drinking. She said it made him destructive and delusional. When he started making up fanciful stories about magic vegetables she knew it was time to get him into rehab.
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    “This”, concluded the therapist several weeks later, succinctly summarising Jack’s increasingly unhinged world view with regard to high yield climbing plants, human growth disorders, and a questionable understanding of water fowl reproduction systems, “is clearly an early sign of
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    floragianaqufowlism. A very rare but potentially lethal disease, I assure you. I've had to deal with many clients who drove themselves to destitution for a few rare seeds, beans, rice kernels, or ducks' eggs." The therapist drew out a prescription page for Jack, detailing rare
    Kara S3/2 1:52pm
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    medicines that would indeed save his life. “These medicines cost over thousands of dollars!” Jack exclaimed. “Indeed.” said the doctor. Jack suddenly began to convulse in front of the doctor. “Well, I guess he won’t have to pay now.” The doctor says as he leaves Jack to die.
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The End