Another One Bites the Purple Dust

I’m perfectly satisfied with half a bagel for breakfast. Put a hearty smear of cream cheese and some capers on it, and I’m ready for the day. Yet I can just as easily eat a whole bagel and not be too full. How is that possible?

Time warps is what you think it is. And you are right! There is a portal in your body that makes a full bagel go into your poop.

"That's going to be hard to pass," says the doctor, looking at an x-ray of your gut. The ghostly blur of the bagel in your pipes looks like a howling phantom zero. "That's what I am," you think, "a big ol' zero. I could've changed history, but instead I have intestinal blockage."

“Not to worry,” he continues. “If we operate soon, we can get the bagel out with minimal long-term damage.” You ponder this for a moment. “And how much worse off will I be if we don’t operate?” You ask. The doctor makes a sound somewhere between a snort and a laugh.

The doctor starts coughing up a purple dust, as he laughs louder and louder the dust becomes thicker and thicker, "If we don't operate then yo-"The doctor starts to cough more rapidly as his joyful face grows bigger and more distorted as blood and sweat drenches down "If we dont

how will you be as strong as me?!" Suddenly realizing this isn't the future I want I leap off the table covering my mouth so I don't gag on the dusty gas—but then the anesthesia kicks in. The last words I hear before everything goes purple: "you'll be a good glitter soldier."