Becky & Valsecchi

The phone rang, loud and reverberating, the way only rotary phones do. Becky raced to pick it up only to be beaten by Valsecchi, who'd already been sitting at her desk since the early morning hours, sleuthing her latest models. "Becky and Valsecchi," she said.

"Yeah, hi, umm my name is...Jeff...ery. I've umm, gotten myself into a delicate situation that I'm hoping you can help with." Never a duo to turn down a challenge, Becky and Valsecchi answered affirmatively in unison. "How can we help?"

"Well, there's this guy who wants to borrow some money from me. Actually... it was more of a demand... He says he needs it for an important job"

"What kid of a job," I asked. "Dirty jobs." She replied. "Dirty jobs, done dirt cheap."

"To start, we can't just wait for sharks to rain down on us. We have a chopper ready to go to attack the tornado from the top. Are you up for the job?" She asked.

"That's what heroes do", said Thor flippantly, rubbing his distended abdomen (a side effect of massive ale and cheez-wiz consumption). Spinning his hammer furiously, it pulled him off the ground and he flew into the top of the tornado as the chopper hovered miles away, watching.

As the chopper faded into a spec on the horizon, Thor realized he'd completely whiffed on a classic "Get to the Choppa" joke. He winced, chastising himself on the missed opportunity. "Never again..." he muttered as he landed before his next foe.

Thor glanced into his ammunition cache and realized that with the last launch of Paul Sr. he’d gone through the entire cast of American Chopper. Until the cache was replenished, his chopper trebuchet was rendered useless. His shrouded enemy cackled with delight.

From obscurity Natalie Portman wandered into the room. Electricity filled the air, the earth shook. Mjölnir floated to the center of the room as a vortex formed. Natalie's eyes went black as her body was surrounded by lightning, Mjölnir flew to her hand. A new Thor was born!

Natalie Portman walked back into the lighthouse. Ryan Gosling stood there, a bouquet of roses in his hand. The room was deadly silent. Out of nowhere, John Legend's voice rose: "City of stars; Are you shining just for me?"

Natalie has always known Ryan was her one true love, but couldn’t help but wonder if he rather have green teeth or have green teeth?