The Garden of Edam

Humanity's greatest engineering achievement is also its most tightly kept secret. 50 years ago, hundreds of people contributed to the project without knowing the full scope. Only a handful of people understood the entire plan, and most of them took the secret to their grave.

The clandestine endeavor had far reaching effects. The very next morning after the plan had been put into place people across the country began noticing an unmistakable turquoise hue to their tap water, a color almost cleaning agent-like.

After a week or two of drinking the teal-hued tap water, millions of people began to notice an odd side-effect. Suddenly, they had the ability to literally smell fear. This fact itself inspired fear, and suddenly the entire nation was overwhelmed by the stench.

It was as if moldy cheese had conquered the world. For months scientists struggled to find antidotes. It wasn’t until Florence of Fairfield Ohio “accidentally” microwaved her flip flops that they found the solution. Low quality rubber, when heated just right eliminated the odor.

Stanley switched off his console, feeling accomplished having finished “Nothing Gouda Happens” in only 87 hours.

"Nothing Gouda Happens," of course, was a video game chronicling the chilling cheese murders that occurred at Ye Olde Holland Inn in turn of the century New York. Stanley, being a cheese man himself, knew he could win the game in only a matter of days, and he succeeded.

His doorbell rang moments later. He opened the door to a rangy man wearing a tattered bellhop uniform with a tag in his chest that said Ye Olde Holland Inn. Stanley didn’t even have time to scream as the bellhop plunged the knife in his belly. “You won!” The bellhop giggled.