Pineapple of My Eye

Jared woke to the gentle sound of soft thuds on his roof. He stumbled out of bed, roused his cat Jinkies, and went to look out from his kitchen to see where the noise could be coming from. Before he could open his window a pineapple came shooting towards him.

A shocked Jared followed the line of trajectory to his driveway. An unruly Jinkies squinted at the perpetrators. Unbeknownst to Jared, Jinkies had begun a violent vendetta with the Amazon Prime delivery men. Clearly, they'd taken things to the next level. The cat was prepared.

But little did jinkies know that the delivery man, mortally allergic to felines of all stripes, had barbiturate-laden Fancy Feast at the ready. Removing the tin container from his pocket and placing it before the heretofore frenzied feline, a calm descended over Jinkies’ manner.

As the spiked food took effect, Jinxies experienced hallucinations. Being a cat it mostly involved prancing through fields of catnip and a lengthy milk bath. When he awoke the delivery man was gone and left behind a gift box. It had a tag that said “open me at midnight.”

He should have known that opening the package at midnight would be opening up a whole can of worms. Literally. The can of worms was rusty and appeared decades old, and yet the worms were alive and well, and squirmed their way out of the can, up the staircase to the bedroom.

In the bedrooms bathroom an old man decided to take a bath, he had a long day. As he was dozing off, he felt something wiggle around his toes. He didn’t realize what it was, but he was lonely and he welcomes the contact, whether it’s human or an annelida.

Clearly dozing in the tub can create a real tragedy, so the old man was very thankful that his grandson’s Sea serpent was still floating towards the drain - another minute of slumber could have cost him his life

With seconds to spare, he plucked Cecil from his spiraling path down the house sewer. The traumatized sea animal looked up gratefully at the old man and the message was clear: “don’t ever again force me to play with your abusive ill-tempered grandchildren”