Immortal Scents

Some might judge me for eating a Jimmy Dean pancake on a stick (much less 3 of them) while I sit in my bath, but I stopped caring about what other people think a millennia ago when I was surrounded by people who didn’t even take baths because soap was witchcraft or some nonsense.

Ever since Archimedes discovered science in a bathtub, running around naked on the streets, the people decided that science was in fact witchcraft. They then devised a test in which if you float, you’re a witch. However nobody seemed to want to drown, hence they don’t take baths.

That's why my family has been destitute for generations. We're soap-makers, & in a civilization that shuns bathing, we don't sell a whole lot. That's why I'm breaking away to peddle perfume. And not just any perfume—Worcestershire sauce scented cologne! Come and take a whiff.

My first attempt was sriracha perfume. The scent was great, but it burned the skin of 60% of scent testers. But steak sauce cologne is perfectly safe and smells delicious!

My second attempt was popcorn perfume. One spritz and the whole place smelled like buttery popcorn heaven. The only thing missing were the movies. “Did somebody smell popcorn?” I yelled as loudly as I could.

Of course no one responded. No one could. Everything he had done as an inventor was to help him find a friend, a friend that, for once, cared about what he did. Yet it seems as though there is no one that matches that description. He found himself, after all the fantasy, alone.