The mystery dentist

Mason Howard was a dentist who loved the library. He would always read books and check as many books as possible.

One morning while perusing the stacks, Mason spied a book he'd never seen before, "Lost Loves of the Bibliophile Dentist." Flipping through the pages, a slip of paper dropped from it. It was a note: 709.36 PLA. Recognizing the Dewey decimal system, he put the book under his arm &

jogged toward the section listed. Suddenly he heard a whistle. “No running in the library!”, stage-whispered the librarian, flipping out her ticket book. Second ticket this month! He had to be more careful. Third strike is a doozy:

You would think the punishment would be losing library privileges, but, no. Instead they make you re-alphabetize the ancient card catalog. He grabbed the ticket from the disapproving librarian and continued on his way to find the hovercraft schematics. There has to be a way in.

The next several hours were the longest and most maddening of his life. It turns out that “Lovecraft” has little to do with “hovercraft” and the eldritch horrors and casual racism he discovered ate away at his sanity so that he barely remembered his own name.

Seeing how corrupted he had become, he was filled with an intense hatred of the light, for it sought to expose him. He ran down the stairs and slammed the door behind him, never to come out of the basement. And his name became Anonymous, or Anon for short. He got on the computer.

He spent his days dwelling in the basement, never to see the light of day ever again. The only light emanated from his monitor screen, illuminating a silhouette of his morbidly obese figure. He enjoyed getting a rise out of others. It was his specialty. It made him feel superior.

Yes, his occupation was being an internet troll. Besides engaging in meaningless arguments with strangers, his true specialty was spreading misinformation to cause confusion. Today, he decided to stir up some rumors about British actor Boneditch Cumberland.

It took quite a while for everyone to find out that the rumors were false, but when they did it was too late. The damage had already been done. The only thing left to do was to find the source of all of this.

I knew where to look, but looking was hard and expensive. Eventually I learned that having your own university just to have a university library is prohibitively expensive. Lesson learned, time to move on to the next item. Oh yeah, the source. I think I found it online somewhere.