Tans

I told him I was tanning and I was gonna go in the water but he did not listen.

I wasn't surprised when I heard him calling, "Where are you?" from the kitchen. I hollered back, "I'm in the pool!" but he must not have heard me. He kept calling for me so I got out of the water, dried off, & found him writing me a message on the bathroom mirror with toothpaste.

What a waste of toothpaste! It read, “We ran out of toothpaste.” He wasn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. Or maybe he wanted me to go do the groceries, as I always did, in which case this would be a 200 IQ play.

It started coming together for me then. He couldn’t cook, he didn’t like takeout, so I always cooked. Any time I asked him to do dishes, a glass broke. He didn’t clean anything, because he didn’t know how. Am I a spouse or a nanny?

Or a spanny? What a big kid, I wouldn’t be surprised if he asked me to change his diapers next. And he’s my husband! I felt as if everything I did was taken for granted. To teach him a lesson I called someone over. Who, you might ask? A father figure to straighten him up.

So one evening as we were having dinner, our front door was ripped clean off of its hinges by the very man I'd called for help. And that is the story of how G.I. Joe once stood in my living room, giving my husband a course in manners and behavior.