Swimming Through Syrup, Slowly

I swim through the oceans, I swim through the skies. Water and air are not so different, it’s just a matter of density. And of course, like you, I swim through time.

Though your culture describes this with a most peculiar expression. “Time flies.” I do not know of any fly that has anything to do with time. Who am I, you might ask. Well I am just a dolphin that narrowly escaped Earth’s destruction. So long and thanks for all the fish.

Oh and by the way, the meaning of life is 42. Don’t ask me what it means. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go ahead and curse like they do in on SpongeBob SquarePants. With dolphin noises. I’m a dolphin, after all. A talking dolphin that can speak the human language known as “English”.

What do you mean "A meaning is meaningless if you don't know what it means!" What're you, some kind of philosopher? Oh. You have a PhD in semantics? Well, okay little Miss Brainiac, explain to me this: Does a mirror have a color? What? You're Canadian? Excuse me, I mean "colour."

“Furthermore, colour me this- what is the Canadian obsession with maple syrup? Overpriced, if you ask me!” He pressed his fingers to his temples in frustration. The shocked expression on her face told him everything he needed to know. This was not the place for a confrontation.

He pulled himself together, taking a deep, cleansing breath. “Alright,” he said. “It’s clear to me that my talents are unappreciated here!” He turned away from her and walked purposefully toward the door, leaving her gasping in his wake. The sun outside blazed. He smiled.