Byline
Phil Harwell
@philharwell
Bio
A protected landmark with surprisingly clean restrooms
Lifetime
Lines
81
Awards
Earned
17
Member
Since
'22
Awards
Phil's Stories
Joey Pepperoni and The Conspiracy of Pizza Ninjas
Joe puts a pizza into the oven, and he has a gun (I don't know why). It was this really cool gun that could shoot five hundred rounds with only a few! Truly a technological marvel to be wielded, and by such a simple man! We mortals can only imagine the kind of power he possesses!
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Jack vs. Cletus
Jack grab snacks from movie Theater stand. Jack hear woman at stand and look up see worker give him popcorn and movie Ticket. Unknown stranger woman look at him not blank or take eyes off him. When man turn around to her Direction she disappear. Jack want in movie theater.
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Hot Diggity
I stared intently at the hot dog as it fell and flopped lifelessly onto the pavement in front of me. With the power of the fall from my hand it propelled itself onto the road, where a speeding Honda Civic promptly ran over it and turned it into mush. What a horrible morning.
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Earworms
"And your wish?" the genie asked Brian. "Well," Brian mused, "there is something." "No!" Colleen cried, "Don't do it, Brian!" but he ignored her. "I wish," he said, "that every time I got a song stuck in my head everyone else in the world also got that song stuck in their heads."
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Booster Blues
Even though all of you on earth call it a station, those of us who live aboard call it a ship, and therefore a she. Sadly, her orbit is decaying. Her correction thrusters are offline. If we can’t fix her, she will fall to earth in 3 months.
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21ception
“Are you of the intelligent sort? I suppose not.” “Well, I can assure you that I am a distinguished gentleman and scholar.” “Is that so? What, then, is the sum of the numbers nine and ten?” Why, that’s an elementary question! I spent no time figuring it out and loudly proclaimed,
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The Ballad of Yeltsa Kcir
This is the story of the wrong pen which I grabbed when I was going to write a postcard to my best friend Abby while vacationing on Sao Beach in Vietnam.
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The mystery dentist
Mason Howard was a dentist who loved the library. He would always read books and check as many books as possible.
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Void Homework
Its been three days. I haven't seen a single thing all day that didn't want to kill me. I'm out of food and my compass is still broken - great. My only choice is to wander deeper into the forest. I don't want to, but I'm so lost already I don't know how things could get any worse
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The Art of the Bald Head
A long time ago, In a land called Kentucky, There once lived a man, Who wasn't very lucky, And one day he fell, Right into a well, And his situation was very yucky.
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Adventures in VR
They call me a “hacker”. Look, I’m just a guy with access to the Mainframe and nothing better to do. But all of my skills combined couldn’t get me out of the situation I got into on March 31, 20XX. I was trapped, and simply logging off wasn’t an option. I didn’t have ANY options.
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The Naming of Nuggets
Lois didn't like that her brother named their pet pig "Bacon."
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Unalived
There stood a mighty statue of a man and woman, their hands locked, raised towards the sky, loudly proclaiming their defiance. One fateful day, the sky turned grey and a streak of lightning struck the statue, and the statue was no more. Its furious roar thundered across the land.
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Metal Detecting
Josh paced back and forth. He had never felt more nervous in his life. He knew Olivia loved him, but would she be ready for marriage? He felt in his pocket for the fifth time that afternoon, as if the ring would have magically disappeared while he was waiting for her.
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One more for the collection
"No!” I shouted. “You can’t leave! Not now!” But my cries were barely audible over the roar of the sirens. My vision was blurred by tears. I couldn’t take it. I wanted to run after the ambulance and tell the doctors that he would be okay, but I knew he wouldn't.
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The Best Elvis Impersonator
I was walking down the street of lively men when a swift voice approached. A young lad stopped before me, catching his breath. “Sire! Sire!” “What is it?” “The King hath sent for thee, arrive there with haste!” But why, I thought, would the King send for a lowly commoner like me?
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Wiggin Out
I stand at the bottom of the stone steps and look up. Ridgegate Academy is tall and wide, almost grand, with pillars and columns reminiscent of old Roman architecture. I look around at the other students. Some are like me. Others are sitting and talking in groups.
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Leap of Faith
The man walked over to the stage. He recognized the singers as Mary and William Duchance, the local crazy Christian family. Bizarrely, the couple decided to use karaoke night to spread their less-than-popular ideals.
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death
He died. Everyone was sad. They were crying
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Battle of the Stars
Movie star Jaylen Clarke loved to be in the spotlight but she
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The Next Room
I grip my knife; the blood is yellow. How long have I been dead for? The edge of the blade feels of flesh and blood. I check my body, no bruises or cuts. Who am I? Did I turn into the thing that killed me? Am I a
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A Culture Shock of Sorts
Once there was a handsome man named Link. He is known as the hero of time and was reborn a million times in a different body but still looked nearly identical. He has blonde hair, blue eyes, and is white skinned. One morning Link woke up in the 2000’s to someone calling to him
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The Disco Under Lake Erie
I used to tell the other kids at school that my dad was a treasure hunter. That was an exaggeration. He scuba dived the Great Lakes, searching sunken yachts & freighters for antiques—the plates we're eating off of came from a sailboat at the bottom of Lake Erie—but once he found
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Do or Donut
The donut tasted absolutely foul. From the outside, it looked like any other baked good of its sort, fluffy as a cloud and dusted evenly in powdered sugar. However, as soon as I sank my teeth into it, I came to the sudden realization that something was very, very wrong.
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When Logic Isn’t Available
In the three years Roger and Shelley had been dating, Roger had won precisely zero of the arguments. He figured it was just a “battle of the sexes” type deal, where he couldn’t have won no matter what, but in fact it was
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The Special Sauce of Mercy
Sarah & April needed a drummer. Their high school's Battle of the Bands rules clearly stated "No drum machines," which April said was only made so their band, Lonely Horses, couldn't participate. "Frickin' Bobby Stroik," April said. "He's scared of us." Auditions were held in the
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The Boy Next Door
I can’t stop thinking about the boy next door. He moved into town a few weeks ago and hasn’t said one word to me. He seems to live by himself and doesn’t talk much. I often see him playing with his golden retriever in his front yard or reading on his porch while the sun sets.
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Expiry Date
He looked at with eyes brimming with fury and malice. The moonlight glimmered apon his dimly lit eyes as he said, " You have to- no need to kill them, Henry." His voice starts to go frantic "I know they used to be your friends but they're beyond saving" His voice echos louder
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Off The Shelf
Hattie Hodge walked the halls of the storied toy store until she came across a curious shelf just above eye level with an unsettling sign stating, “Igor and Zelda are NOT for sale.” Hattie quickly eyed the shop then reached up.
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Failed delivery
I’m fascinated by our mailman. His laid back drawl reminds me of Hank the Cowdog and it’s impossible not to picture him loping across the high plains. He drops bon mots on you that seem childishly simple at first and then cut your heart as you lay awake at night.
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