ayesha wells

Marta P

Jay Knowles

Sean King

Jacob Sherman

Benjamin Chandler

TurtleGameMaster

Sam Becker

English

Jim ran a hand through his hair, “Bro I’m telling you, there’s just no way any chick can say no to the Jimster”. Eric rolled his eyes so far, they almost got stuck at the back of his head. “Get that girl’s number then, and you get bragging rights and $50,” Eric pointed ahead.

Game on, thought Jim. He sauntered over to the girl in the far corner of the room. "So... you breathe oxygen?" he asks, smugly. She looks at him quizzically and swiftly turns back around to face her friends, trying desperately not to laugh. Ok, time for Plan B.

The pill? Why would he need one? It’s not like he’s going to score or anything. In addition to a rubber ravioli in his shirt pocket, he couldn’t be too careful. He downed a few beers which gave him a massive boost in confidence. He walked up to that smoking hot blonde lady again.

“So, ahhh, I’ve been thinking,” he said to her “you’re hot, I’m friendly, why don’t we get to know each other better?” She gave him a half-smile, and looked him over. Then he screwed it all up with a few simple words:

“Wanna grab some pineapple pizza with me?” “Pineapple pizza? You sick freak! Get away from me!” The poor guy should have known that pineapple does not belong anywhere on pizza. He had committed a major faux pas. In all seriousness he would have been better off asking for her age.

She stormed off, stomach turning at the thought of his offer. Maybe some sparking water would help. She ducked into a corner store & perused the aisles for something fizzy. Oh no, she thought, that jingle—"In a tizzy? Grab something fizzy, like Sofa Cola!"—now it was in her head!

She quickly took out her phone and put on some music to fend off the Sofa Cola™ earworm she found herself with. Soon the jingle was out of her head, and she was able to grab some sparkling water in peace. But little did she know, they were completely out! Now what will she drink?

Reluctantly, she opened the door to the pantry—a place she seldom visited—and a wall of Sofa Cola™ crashed over her. “You ready to rock?” she scarcely heard from a corporate Sofa Cola musician, who continued without waiting for a response, “then drink up and take a seat!”

A Hot Slice of Heartbreak

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Jason Moody

The Vallaynthian limped into harbour. It’s sails torn. It’s deck littered with debris and the rotting corpses of crew. Blood pooled at the edges. This was a massacre. The vessel had left Port Darrow 3 week hence en route to Ellamin in the West. It never arrived.

As per Caspyrian tradition the vessel was promptly set on fire, with the bodies still on it. Doing so also had the added advantage of eliminating germs on the ship, though they might not know it. Terror shook the men at the dock. What kind of monster could have done this?

A strange pox covered their skins. Red dots all over. Was it a rash? Or bites? Seemingly, they had all died out at sea, then drifted for at least a week before their ghost ship reached the fjord. It was nearly silent in the great hall that night, and 3 nights following.

And on the third day they were resurrected again, their bodies free from any scars or blemishes. It was like they never died at all. The great hall was full of celebration as the crew triumphantly returned from the land of the dead. They’ve got one Hel of an epic saga to tell.

That was until they began choking midway through their celebratory beverages, the glasses slipping from their hands like water. The guests watched with paled faces as the resurrected began bleeding inside out, until there was nothing left of them to give away their return.

And so, the scourge of ebola zombies came to an end. It was nothing like the movies—the zombies just died (again) of the virus & never got to turn anyone else into zombies. The world was relieved, except for Zeb Bumbledrumm who wondered what he'd do with a freshly stocked bunker.

The Dead Undead

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The unhappy little stone sat upon the forest floor. “I feel so irrelevant”, it said sadly. “How dya think I feel?”, said a nearby twig, “I thought I’d be a branch one day”. The stone looked at the twig, “But you could be a child’s imaginary wand, or give away an escaped convict”.

The twig replied, “But you could be the canvas for some kid’s wild imagination.” The stone was fizzling with excitement then, “Could I? Really?” Suddenly, the moss next to him awoke, “Kids don’t go outside anymore you know. I bet they’ve forgotten what a stone even looks like”.

“Want me to gather you?” The stone said to the moss. “What no! You’re coming on a little too fast!” The twig told the lovey-dovey rock to roll off. “You little twig, don’t you tell me what to do.” And that’s how the rock and roll genre was born. And the band name? Rolling Stones.

It was all over the news the very next day, making international headlines. In gigantic, capital bold letters splayed across the front page, “Rolling Stones Gather Moss.” It became a viral sensation. There was talk all over town about the new band. Could it supersede the Beatles?

Sure, they were a good band. And their audience really enjoyed the moss. They were almost as big as the biggest Beetles. But they still had nothing on the greatest act in history: The Birds and the Bees.

Stone Free

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Nicole Latham

Phil Harwell

Once there was a handsome man named Link. He is known as the hero of time and was reborn a million times in a different body but still looked nearly identical. He has blonde hair, blue eyes, and is white skinned. 
One morning Link woke up in the 2000’s to someone calling to him

It was a little, pot-bellied imp in a tight leather onesie. "Oh, boy," said the hero. "Are you going to make me a wolf? I thought Amaterasu did it better." The tubby gremlin looked at him. "What are you talking about?" she said, "I'm here to pick up a mushroom & garlic pizza."

Before I could say anything, a plump fairy with thick glasses flew up to us, pizza in hand. “That’ll be 11.50,” said the fairy.
Without a word, the imp handed over the cash, and

snatched the pizza out of her hands. “You’re not getting any!” the imp exclaimed at me. I paused for a moment, looking from the fairy to the imp, considering the bizarre situation. The fairy shrugged before vanishing. The imp opened the box and I was very glad we weren’t sharing.

“Yo! Oh no you didn’t.” I exclaimed. “ I know you’re from the underworld and all, but this is Brooklyn. You DO NOT grab a person’s slice right out of their hand! No!”

“Yes, and it’s perfectly fine in my culture to steal another person’s slice. Your point?” The demon grinned, munching on his pizza. Guess he got me there. What also got me was a sudden jolt as I bumped into a taxi cab. “Hey, I’m walking here!” I yelled in a true New York fashion.

Being in The Big Apple was an unexpected culture shock, to say the least. I felt more and more like Will Ferrell in the 2003 hit movie "Elf" with every passing moment, but I was doing my best to emulate the New Yorkers around me. "Go Yankees!" I called out assertively. Bad move.

A few people start to stare, laughing. After a moment their expressions began to stiffen. It was then that I realized… I wasn’t wearing any pants.

I guess it wasn’t too indecent really. Quite liberating even. That’s right, keep it going brain! Stacey, my therapist, had encouraged practicing more optimism, I bet she would be proud to see me now. I was leaps and strides above where I left off last week. That was until

Dr Hamill walked in through the door. A Jedi turned renowned psychologist, Mark Hamill fervently disagreed with Stacey. He seemed to have the power of truth on his side and refuted her claims with great conviction. I was ready to walk the path of the Jedi and it wouldn’t be easy.

A Culture Shock of Sorts

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Carter Griffin

It was a shameful thing. A foul, disgusting, inhumane thing. Even so, the more I looked at it the more my eyes morphed it into something normal. How strange. It was like...

witnessing a car crash. It’s all horrible and bloody but you just can’t look away from it no matter how hard you try. Puberty truly hits like a truck. And to think I was once disgusted by it as a child! I sat there, mouth wide open, mesmerised by what I was seeing.

Hair sprouted from my armpits like a sped-up video of grass growing. My legs, too, cultivated a healthy crop of hair. My body flooded with chemicals & my brain reeled at the flux of emotions I had over the course of mere minutes—happy, gloomy, randy, lonely, hyper. I felt it all.

Oh no. Puberty hit me, and not just lightly, more like a full speed train on the Japanese underground. I suddenly felt the urge to dance in public and post it on TikTok. Thus, I put on my shorts, despite it being December, and started walking towards the mall.

"...What did I just do?!" All over the city I saw people watching the video of me dancing. In the mall. With shorts halfway up my thighs like a 90's jogger. In front of a lingerie exhibit. My face flushed red, purple, blue, before paling back to white as the realization hit me:

I looked amazing. Seriously, I could have been a backup dancer from Prince, or Pat Benatar, or ever Big Daddy Kane. Furious Footwork is my specialty!

It was all thanks to my dance instructor. See, he had a rather unusual way of teaching. Every morning he would whip out his revolver and fill the floor with lead. “Dance, boy, dance!” My feet moved on their own, as if by magic. Couldn’t have done it without him.

Finally A Man

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Walter’s eyes shot open. He sat up and looked around the room. Predictably, it was unfamiliar.
“Great,” he said. “I’ve been transported AGAIN. Now where in the world am I?”
He got up off the floor and headed for the only door the room had to offer. He took a deep breath and

peeked outside. It was raining & the rank odor of manure snuck into his nose. Walter guessed he must be at a farm, but what kind? Through the murk of the morning light he spotted large four-legged creatures shuffling beyond a fence. They were bigger than cows. Lightning flashed &

For the briefest of moments against the inky night, their form was revealed. It couldn’t be? Could it? These things were said to have been hunted to the edge of extinction. 
Another clap of thunder shook her from her thoughts. ‘This is going to be fun,’ she mused.

With reckless disregard for her own safety she stepped further into the dark- fingers outstretched and every rational thought replaced by her inner scientist. If they could just grab onto something, it could be the big breakthrough she had been dying for. Come on. Come on.

Then suddenly… her hand sensed a bump on the wall. Eureka. With one flick the whole room became flooded with light, except… “Surprise!” Confetti rained from the ceiling to the chaotic blows of the party blowers, while a much amused partygoer smushed a cake in her bewildered face.

She licked the cake off her face. All she could do while everyone else was singing Happy Birthday was just stand there. Silently. Awkwardly. At this point she would have blown out the candles but the cake was on her face.

ayesha wells
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