Byline
Chris Baroody
@chrisbaroody
Lifetime
Lines
17
Awards
Earned
10
Member
Since
'22
Awards
Chris's Stories
One Pizza at a Time
They say that hell is other people, which turns out to be literal given the number of people I see below. You can’t see the ground in this valley of Hell because of all the people in it. I sigh and begin hiking down the slope.
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Joey Pepperoni and The Conspiracy of Pizza Ninjas
Joe puts a pizza into the oven, and he has a gun (I don't know why). It was this really cool gun that could shoot five hundred rounds with only a few! Truly a technological marvel to be wielded, and by such a simple man! We mortals can only imagine the kind of power he possesses!
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Two if by black sheep, one if by white wolf
All is I. Solve: reality. So Math is fact... Right? Hook period? Motion i's point;period. Passion chemistry is methodology of connection. So why love to evolve; solve Math? GENERAL RELATIVITY... G EZ E(=MC^2) RAL RELA-TIVIT-Y I in gral 20i22i20 in relay. Pi3 LiFe = Monkey
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21ception
“Are you of the intelligent sort? I suppose not.” “Well, I can assure you that I am a distinguished gentleman and scholar.” “Is that so? What, then, is the sum of the numbers nine and ten?” Why, that’s an elementary question! I spent no time figuring it out and loudly proclaimed,
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Nerd Mother's Sacrifice
Digging through the back shelves of the pantry I found the last jar of pickles that grandma made before she died. "Well," I said to myself, "someone's got to eat 'em sometime." I assembled a sandwich, piled some chips beside it, & popped open the jar only to find that there was a
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Broadway Anywhere
Denise approached the wide, rapid river with an apprehension like none she’d ever known. Behind her, the rest of her party watched as she knelt on the bank and raised her palms to the sky. She was glad her back was to them so they could not see the fear on her face as she began
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The Wolves & The Owl
Fool me once… Shame on you Fool me twice… shame on me.
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The Art of the Bald Head
A long time ago, In a land called Kentucky, There once lived a man, Who wasn't very lucky, And one day he fell, Right into a well, And his situation was very yucky.
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Nerfs Up
Once upon a time (which was actually 2 weeks ago) I had woken up to the sound of explosions, and I look out the windows to see someone robbing a bank!
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The Heirloom Patchwork of the Holy Acorn & its Goulash Orchard
Long ago, before television or even radio, your great-great-great grandmother crafted a story into this quilt. See the images? Here's an acorn. Here's a cardinal. Here's a bowl of goulash. It's time you learned its tale...
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Candy Teeth on the second stage
They just announced the lineup for this summer’s Clangfest and it’s straight fire! The Seagull Sisters are headlining. Easy Peasy Squeeze Cheese is performing. Sneak Squeak has gotten back together for one night only. DJ Doofus is spinning in the Stress Tent. We need tickets!
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Malarkey Containment Failure
My cell phone suddenly crashed. When it started up again, there was only this long binary number on the screen: 010100110111010101100010011011010110100101110100. Then the car wouldn’t start. The same number scrolled across the digital dashboard. What the hell was going on?
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The Boy Next Door
I can’t stop thinking about the boy next door. He moved into town a few weeks ago and hasn’t said one word to me. He seems to live by himself and doesn’t talk much. I often see him playing with his golden retriever in his front yard or reading on his porch while the sun sets.
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Night Owls
Jerry glanced down at the photograph in his hand, then back up again at the woman sitting alone at the back of the cafe.
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