Beth Tsubaki

Jay Knowles

Sean King

Jacob Sherman

Benjamin Chandler

Yolanda W

English

I woke up this morning convinced today was going to be the worst day ever; I had a sense of impending doom—a gut feeling—the moment I got out of bed… As it turns out, my gut wasn’t wrong.

It rumbled and tumbled and I stumbled on my way to the bathroom, and I sat on the porcelain throne and let loose a barrage of Taco Bell I ate the other day. It thundered all over the floor, that it woke my dad from his heavy snore. Only this, and nothing more?

“What have you shat, Matt?!” Dad yelled from his cell. “It smells like hell!” (I clearly need to lay off the sulfur sauce.) “Aw shuddup!” I yelled back. “Like your tink don’t stink!”

“Well I’ll have you know, young man, that when I was just your age,” Dad roared, “I used to pee with such a rage that all the girls adored.” “Is that how you met my mom,” Matt said, “by letting her watch you tink? Was it the day she went ahead and offered you a drink?” “Aye lad.”

I was inspired by dad's story. I thought it had the making of a good sitcom, so I went to NBC and pitched "How I Wet Your Mother". They laughed me out of the office. I left Rockefeller Center dejected, head hanging low, when a sultry voice called "Psst!" from a nearby gyro stand.

“Hey kid, don’t get too downhearted”. I looked up and stood before me was an eccentric old man, you know the sort. The type of guy to wear a mustard yellow tweed two piece to do his daily food shop. Anyway he continued “I was once in your shoes. Trust me, they know nothing about

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