Sam Becker

Timothy Johnson

Jesse Curry

Brian Bemiller

Chris Ehemann

Fra Valsecchi

Davis JR

Adam Baldwin

Vance Faulkner

Becky Carlson

What will

Benjamin Chandler

English

It is a natural and unavoidable phenomenon that all sprints—no matter their scope nor intensity—come to an end. We, the agile, dash through the same valley, toward the same goal, carrying the same torch. None of us as keenly aware of this fact as our commander-in-beef, Brigor.

In the plains of northern Ohio, dwelt a grill-master of great brio. The cows that eat grass, must look after their ass, lest they fall victim to the BBQ maestro.

With a sprinkle of rub and a dollop of sauce, the BBQ Maestro showed why he's the boss. No sooner did meat touch his burning hot grill than a noise came from afar most awful and shrill. He tried to ignore it, he did try his best, but the sound was so bad his meats could not rest.

Once the BBQ temp hit 350, he closed the lid and turned his attention to the screams in the distance. As he was removing his shoes to minimize the sound of his footsteps among the trees, he saw a flash out of the corner of his eye. Frozen with fear he muttered, "it can't be"

Startled, the BBQ maestro fell cheeks-first on the burning hot grill. After only a few seconds, natterns were permanently seared onto his seat. Brigor rushed to the rescue, quickly pulling the maestro back to his feet. "I have thick legs" uttered the silver-backed man-ape...

"Holdonasecond.YOU CAN TALK" said the BBQ maestro to the ape, noticing indeed its thick legs. "Am I dreaming? Did apes always have such GREAT hair? Why is my bottom burning so much?!Where are we going?!". And shortly after found himself sitting on a branch on a very tall tree.

Bemillionaire Brigor couldn't be bothered to answer the panicked inquiries and flicked a few Sellys at the maestro to calm his yammering. Brigor was (fashionably) late for his tailor appointment to design a new thiccc boy suit inspired by Lineup's latest big-time customer signing

Brigor's new suite was a big hit. He got used to strangers approaching him out of the blue with compliments on its unorthodox style or uncanny fit. That's why her slight caught him off guard. But the sting of its sarcasm evaporated with the sight of her slender figure.

Barbara was a striking woman with an ease about her that captivated Brigor. When he was in her presence everything else would fade away, transporting him to a place where only the two of them existed. She was his whole world and all that mattered was that he win her heart.

Seared Memories

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Dave Foley

Doug Mill

Greg M

Admiral Baldwin finished his early morning tea and toast before pacing the deck of the S.S. Lean Coffee collecting his thoughts. He did this most days, often before sunrise. Today his thoughts leapt to the land mass looming on the horizon known to most as Falafel Island.

"This lean coffee isn't quite hitting it today", the Admiral stated. He proceeded to mix a mega-dose of Vit-D, Athletic Greens, Liquid IV and Alpha Brain into a heinous witches brew. As he pounded back the concoction, he could smell the hummus in the air, rising from the docks.

All around him plants cried out for water, but Yung Admiral just laughed. The supplements began to take effect, he could feel his mind sharpen and his muscles tighten. He was finally ready. With a skill developed over the ageless ages Roadmunk opened, as if by magic.

With Alphabrain, sponsored by Joe Rogan, flowing through his veins, Yung Admiral sprayed story points across the roadmap with the power of 50 scrum masters. He scrummed with such fervor that his back became sore. He reached for his pso-rite only to find something unexpected.

"Arghh! That's a stale baguette!", he moaned. Undaunted, he turned back to roadmunk. Items flew from his fingers: "Sharpen knife", "Crouton-forward fast casual", "Fitness pasta". He bellowed: "The features come from on high, I am merely a vessel!". The keys were a hot AK-47.

As card after card spew forth from Admiral Baldwin's fingertips, his thoughts began to converge. He felt a divine presence. It was the singularity of scrum, the apogee of agile, the climax of kan-ban. "I AM BECOME MUNK, ASSIGNER OF TASKS!" he roared. And then came the meetings...

The original, rudimentary meeting was a standup. These were time-consuming enough, but the admiral devised a new innovation. The standup would be used to schedule more meetings. He dubbed this new technology a thermonuclear meeting, and it could consume entire days worth of time.

And you wouldn't be able to simply propose a topic for the next meeting. Instead, you would have to go through an automated voice with a thick russian accent to choose between multiple languages, timezones, and shenanigans times.
Admiral Baldwin's revenge was going to be SWEET.

The meeting would then become even more complicated. Its duration would increase exponentially after every occurrence, to the point where the meeting would last forever after some time. The Zoom app would enter 'loop mode' and everyone would be stuck forever.

He realized that the only way out of this meeting loop would have to be a well-timed segue. After a break in a marathon session of shenanigans, he saw his opportunity. “Speaking of hummus vats and meat-based head ware…”

"...have you all seen the press on Doug's new startup, BEYOND Meat Fedoras? I heard he's about to raise a pre-seed round at a hundred Bemillionaire valuation". Brigor's eyebrows immediately raised with interest.

Brigor feigned interest but his mind was on the girl he met last night at the Exotic Meats Emporium. Had he finally found someone who shared his passion for finely seasoned meats? Were sparks really flying or was that just the flicker of the nearby rotisserie oven?

Either way things were heating up. Brigor knew from the moment he heard her speak. “Gimme 6 of your ch0nkiest ostrich steaks, please” He couldn’t believe his ears. She was everything he never knew he always wanted. He had found the love of his life. This was how he found Barbara.

Davis JR
@davisjr

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