Benjamin Chandler

Sean King

English

In this world, you are the victim or the offender, and I refuse to be the victim.

So, get ready, Reader, I am going to be offensive. Don't worry. It's not like I'm going to use slurs or write about politics. No, I'm going to offend you with my odor. I have doused my unwashed armpits with goat cheese & sardines. Can you smell them, Reader? Aren't you offended?

Not enough, you say? Well I have been keeping cold cuts inside my socks, and styling my hair with Camembert cheese. I’ve been doing hot yoga then sitting in a sauna afterwards. I haven’t touched soap in six weeks. Reader, I stink stank stunk!

The meditation eventually helped bring me to my senses and one day I decided to stop being such a filthy, stinky mongrel that smears food into their hair and decided to turn my life around.

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