Josh Hansen

Lia Thorn

Sean King

English

I am a fish, but no ordinary fish. I lick people as they swim to make them freak out. But one day I licked the ankle of Hilary Clinton. I had instant visions of private email servers, conspiracies, corruption. And an obsession with balloons so strong, I wanted to get disappeared.

Hilary Clinton overwhelmed me, so i splashed up out of the water and flicked my tail in her face. Take that you balloon lover! I thought Hilary would not have liked that, but when she came back to my lake the next day with her husband Bill Clinton, I knew she was weird.

It turns out the Clintons were big time turtle lovers. They had custom his and hers shells they wore to TurtleCon every year. That was before Bill was elected, of course. America wasn’t yet ready for a turtlephile in public office.

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